The Black Pearl Academy

Weekly Recap: Term 2, Week 4

2012-02-11T23:14:00.000-05:00

I know I promised a better recap, but I'm going to have to break that promise! I can tell you that it was a much tougher week. Apparently posting that Riley's behavior has improved dramatically was not the best idea! LOL I can tell you my reactions to her behavior this week were much better than previously, however that didn't make it any less emotionally draining to deal with. And unfortunately, I had to take away an activity for this weekend that she was really look forward to. This is the part of parenting that I really do not enjoy. I had told her on Monday that she had until Wednesday to improve her attitude and behavior. Then I gave her until Friday. And even this morning I thought that perhaps if her attitude was good today she could still participate tomorrow. But, no. And she was shocked and dismayed this evening when she realized that we were not going to let her go. I wish I could believe that missing this event will dramatically improve her behavior next week - but Riley has never been the kind of child who learns better behavior by consequences.

Reece continues to do well with her lessons - she is amazing with the drawing lessons in math!! She is also begging for more history, which is so cool!! Her writing lessons are finally including quotation marks and she is beyond thrilled, which makes me laugh! It's not every 4th grader who can be heard exclaiming, "Finally! I've been waiting to learn quotation marks forEVER!!!" LOL

Austin's positive attitude continues to impress me. But he can't help but be frustrated at some of his struggles. I have been praying about whether or not to have him tested again for learning disabilities. He had a fairly comprehensive evaluation last spring which did not reveal any LDs, but even she admitted that his work samples scream, "This is a child with some sort of learning problems." We cannot afford another neuropsych eval at this point, but I have been praying that if it needs to be done that God would provide the way.

That's about it for now. I'm going to try again to do my Word of the Year post tomorrow. I have the word... just need the time to compose some thoughts! :)

Weekly Update: Term 2, Week 3

2012-02-07T17:54:00.002-05:00

Sorry... crazy busy weekend! We lived through Week 3 just fine. Austin even got a B on his latest Algebra test! YAY!!

I promise a better update next week.

And the Word of the Year is coming, too. Hopefully tomorrow evening!

Update: Austin

2012-02-02T19:30:00.001-05:00

I saved Austin for last so I could pray over how much to share about his fall. I think if he were writing this, he would tell you that these were the worst days that he ever experienced. It certainly was hard to watch him go through these struggles. I felt completely helpless. What I'm about to share, I share with the utmost respect for my son. He is, without a doubt, the bravest person that I have ever met. With everything that he was going through during the fall, he still managed to play a record-breaking season of baseball, take a fishing trip to Florida with another family, and help out his dad at church when he needed a back-up drummer.

It started over the summer rather innocuously. Looking back, I suspect it was the pressure of starting "high school" that pushed him over the edge. Once again, he was having thoughts that he couldn't control and it got so bad that he didn't want to leave the house. When he mentioned a few times that he wished he were dead - we decided it was time to get help. I called the Marcus Autism Center to get him an appointment with a professional who was familiar with the autism spectrum and could tell me if this was autism-related or something more. The first available appointment was in December. I was making this call in September. And yes, they were aware that he was saying the things he was saying.

Fortunately for him, things improved somewhat through the fall. Slowly but surely, the thoughts diminished. He had his rock band to focus on, and that was so beneficial! And then, just when things were starting to look up..... BAM!!!!

We got a phone call from the mom of one of the band members saying that her son had called her to say that he thought Austin was having a seizure at band rehearsal. She had told him to call 9-1-1 and she would call us. He did so, and my dh headed over to the band rehearsal location. By the time he arrived, the paramedics were there and Austin was conscious. My mother had been in town, so she stayed with the girls, and I met them at the hospital.

I never could have known that night sitting in the ER (same room as the last time he had a seizure) how dramatically that moment would change our lives. Never in my wildest dreams! Up to that point, Austin had always been very upset about being on the autism spectrum (in fact, he would barely accept the word Aspergers, certainly NEVER autism) and having epilepsy/seizures. He wouldn't tell ANYONE! But in the ER room, he told me that he realizes how important it was that his band mate knew about him (they have been family friends since the two boys were 12 months old!). The other two boys were just freaking out and confused by the convulsions... his other band mate knew it was probably a seizure and called for help. Austin decided - ON HIS OWN - to tell all of the guys in the band about his medical history. And when he did... they just kind of said, "OK, cool... let's go work on this new song!"

It changed everything!!!! These guys, who Austin calls "like brothers to me", accepted him for who he is! And it gave him such confidence!! He started going to church on Wednesday night to be part of the youth group. It was awesome to watch! We saw the neurologist (now that we were back on medication) and she really made him mad when she commented on him being so skinny. I had never seen him express his displeasure to an adult like that before, and I really loved it because, honestly, she had been rather rude to him and me. He's 15, NOT 5. She kept asking me what he eats... well, he's 15. I don't watch him nonstop! She talked ABOUT him instead of TO him. And when she did talk TO him, she was so rude.

December rolled around and it was time for the appointment with the psychiatrist. I asked Austin if he wanted to keep the appointment since he was doing so much better. He said he would like to go ahead and talk to the doctor. So we did.

And again, I was surprised by my son. We discussed options with the doctor and Austin asserted himself yet again. He told her that he would like to try some medication to help with the anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I sure wasn't expecting that. Not at all. But I had to respect Austin's point of view and the fact that he is taking charge of his health. In just 2.5 years, I won't be able to make medical decisions for him... he needs to learn how to advocate for his own health needs. I filled the prescription (a generic form of prozac) and we asked him to pray over the decision, as we would be as well, since this was something none of us had prepared for.

After about a week... Austin was ready to give it a shot. To say the changes have been remarkable would be a serious understatement!!! A few weeks after he started the meds, he started texting . Girls. And then, he was calling. Girls. Yeah, we were all stunned. He had had a cell phone for almost a year but barely touched it. Now his phone was 'pinging' so much we had to tell him to silence it!! Just yesterday, he walked into church and walked right up to the youth table in the sanctuary and sat down with the rest of the kids. Six months ago, it took my husband nearly an hour to get him into that same room!! It's been an amazing transformation - and despite the medication, we are so happy for him! I guess I didn't realize that I had such prejudice and fear regarding antidepressant medication... but it seems to be working for Austin, and I pray it continues. He had told the doctor that he "couldn't live like this anymore" - and now he doesn't have to!

Here are a few pic from the fall - starting with baseball (one heck of a season!):

A cool shot of Austin on board their fishing charter... heading out into the Gulf of Mexico:

A shot of Austin behind the drums at a gig - do you know how hard it is to get a clear shot of a drummer??

And here he is behind the drums during a church service!

Academics have been more of a challenge this year than ever before, but the effects of the meds seem to be transferring to school work as well. While math and science are still absolutely kicking his butt - he is exhibiting much more patience and perseverance, and I think ultimately that will result in a better understanding. It's hard to learn much when you are anxious about having such a hard time with learning!

So, there you have it - that was our fall. :) And now you're all caught up on the kids...

Update: Riley

2012-02-01T19:55:00.000-05:00

When I left you, I had mentioned hormones. It is for good reason that I mention that word. It turned our entire family upside down. Riley has always been a challenging child - full of will and drama and spunk. She has always been a puzzle when it comes to discipline.

But then the hormones hit. And things went bad. Really, really bad. The drama went into hyperdrive and the spunk became defiance. I read book after book trying to figure out what was happening and how to fix it. Nothing worked. It came to the point where we asked the pediatrician for a referral because her behavior was nothing short of irrational. Unfortunately, our insurance doesn't cover a child psychologist or psychiatrist. I started reading a book titled A Praying Life, and there were some answers to be found there - I couldn't MAKE her change. I can't parent in my own strength, and since my strength was gone... that wasn't any surprise. I started praying, and I don't believe it's a coincidence that we are now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm going to digress a bit here and talk about myself for a few moments. Going through this time has been very good for me as a parent and as a child of God. You see, I have never had confidence in my parenting. Austin was so different and we didn't understand why until he was 10. That's a long time to feel like a failure. Many ASD parents have a "typically-developing" child to whom they can look and say, "See? I parented that child, too, and he/she is fine. So I can't be THAT bad of a parent." I had Riley. Not your typical "typically-developing" child, you know? Didn't help my self-esteem one bit, and that just made it all worse. And then this hormone-stuff kicked in and BAM!!!! But when everything seemed to hit rock bottom (and I mean EVERYTHING - last fall was absolutely, positively the worst days I've ever experienced) and I finally started turning to God and listening to Him, He brought us all through it and out of it. I just had to learn the hard way that I cannot control anything. And I don't have to! I just have to trust.

OK, back to Ri....she has really come around the last month or so. She's still a pre-teen, at least for a couple more months, but she is reasonable again. It's so nice to have her back! :)

Riley is all about dancing. Literally. It's all she does and it's all she wants to do. She takes 2 ballet classes per week, plus a modern/contemporary class, plus her dance company rehearsals. Here are a couple of pics from her dance company's Christmas performance:

I'm so glad we homeschool so she can devote as many hours per week to dance as she does - and boy if I could afford it she would be in dance classes ALLLL the time! LOL It does affect her homeschooling mostly because she doesn't see any future that doesn't involve dance, and she sees no need for higher education if she wants to be a professional dancer. I tell her that I am going to give her a college preparatory education, even if she thinks she doesn't want to go to college. She is not thrilled with this, but this is one area where I won't budge.

One area where I did budge is on math curriculum. I love math, and that is no secret. And I have always used what I consider to be a challenging math curricula for Riley. She is capable of it, and I wanted to push her to extend herself. But the problem is that, at least right now, she HATES math. It was a huge battle each day. Finally, I gave in and switched her to Math U See for Pre-Algebra. I also gave up the notion that she HAS to be in Algebra 1 by 8th grade. Yes, that's what the advanced students in our area do - well, technically speaking the advanced kids to Alg 1 in 7th and regular college prep does it in 8th, but you know what I mean. SHE is not motivated to do it. And I can choose to battle her, or I can choose a perfectly acceptable option of MUS. She still might hit Algebra 1 in 8th grade, but it's not going to break my heart if she doesn't. My success as a parent and a homeschooler does not lie in that arena.

Around the house, Riley and Austin have become very close recently. Their relationship has always been precarious because she was developmentally closer to him than their 3 chronological years. It was hard for him to see her succeed socially where he struggled, and many times she took on the roles of the 'older' sibling without the benefits which surely felt unfair to her. But lately they have really come together and I have often found them talking to each other in Austin's room. It's VERY cool - I want them to be close!!

That's about all for Riley's update... I am really looking forward to watching Riley enter young-adulthood, now that she has become human again! ;) I know I haven't seen the last of the "terrible teens" ... but I'm trusting God to get us all through it in one piece!

Update: Reece

2012-01-31T19:17:00.002-05:00

I decided to start with Reece mostly because she's the easiest to write about right now! She doesn't care what I post/write about her and, in fact, most of the time she asks me if I'm going to post about her to my friends online!

Fourth grade started out amazing for Reece and has continued that way. As hard as last year was for her, this year we are reaping the rewards. She doesn't cry nearly so much in group situations, and she has this strong desire to be involved. I think that's part of the reason she doesn't cry so much - she wants to be involved and she wants people to like her. THANK YOU, RDI!! I find myself wanting to run around and go, "SEE????? It works!!" So many people told me that I was making a mistake by not forcing her to be social when she was little, and by pulling her out of everything last year when she was struggling so much socially. In fact, more than one person told me I was going to make her regress because I was indulging the autism. I can't say that I wasn't afraid they were right. But I prayed about it and I kept falling back on the principles of RDI that assured me that removing her from all the negativity she was experiencing from her 'failures' in social settings would eventually pay off.

She still struggles for the first couple of times in a new activity, but as long as the leaders are patient, she eventually gets the hang of things. And she excels! At Christmas, she attended children's choir at church where she practiced to perform a duet and recite a couple of lines in front of the church one Sunday morning! She also read in front of the church one evening during a special church service!

She has thrived in her ballet class and her teacher believes she may be ready to move up out of this level that she has been in for the last few years. This is exceptionally "huge" because it means working with one of the other teachers instead of the one who has had her since she was 4. She actually got to work with one of them a few weeks ago when her teacher was sick (and let me add here that her teacher actually called me the night before class so that Reece would be prepared for the change). The teacher is one of Riley's teachers so she was familiar with her, but she had never really been taught by anyone else. Reece is now looking forward to moving up, and she's even been talking about working hard so she can go en pointe in a few years!!

I got her back on the ice last week as well. She didn't do the lessons again, but she is enjoying being out there on the ice. She even wants to have an ice skating birthday party - and I think I'm going to let her have one. She hasn't had a party with friends since she was 5! :) She also wants ice skating lessons again! LOL

Academically, this year has been fantastic for Reece! Math has been going well - and despite the many breaks we took in the fall, she could pick back up with math right where she left off! That shows REAL mastery in my opinion! The level she is working on includes a lot of drawing lessons for geometry and I was considering skipping them so she could work on "real" math in an attempt to get her caught up to her age peers. It seemed sort of a waste of time. But I know how much she enjoys to draw, and I showed her the drawing tools that she would be using and she was SO excited that I couldn't skip the lessons. What completely swayed me was one of the last lessons before the drawing lessons began. She was learning how to find the perimeter of a rectangle and she basically had to solve the problems on her own with manipulatives and her thinking skills. It was AMAZING to watch her do it, and when she was done, she asked if she could keep the paper she did it on. She was SO proud of herself!! Here is a picture of her working with the T-square and triangle to construct rectangles! :)

The only area of school where she is giving me ANY grief is taking over the responsibility for reading some of her lessons to herself, like history and science. She really prefers to be read to, but Charlotte Mason emphasizes that the child take over the reading on their own as soon as they are able to do so. Reece much prefers to be read to (as Austin did, and still does LOL). But luckily for me, she has two older siblings who read most of their own lessons so I can point to them as being 'grown up' and telling her she gets to be more like them. Nah, she doesn't fall for it... but I can still try, right?

So there is your update on Miss Reece!! I am enjoying every last minute of this time with her because I know that the hormones are just around the corner! LOL

Week in Review: Term 2, Week 2

2012-01-29T16:05:00.004-05:00

Another busy week, hence no time to post until today! :) Austin had a doctor's appointment on Monday which always throws everything off. Everything went well at his appointment, though, so hopefully we won't have to go back for a couple of months. Then on Thursday Riley had to get new pointe shoes and she needed them immediately so she can break them in before her audition next weekend. Well, that took us out of the house for 2 hours in the morning. Then on Friday, I took Reece ice skating because she got new skates for Christmas and she had been asking over and over when we could go. Because I hadn't planned to take her skating, I didn't adjust her lessons so we had to come home and finish. All in all, it was a completely crazy week!! But we got our work done, and that's what matters!

Nothing changed from last week so I won't bore you with rehashing all the various details! We didn't get to Plutarch this week because of skating so we'll attack that tomorrow. I am going to adjust our family lessons schedule a bit to accommodate Reece's weekly (or maybe bi-weekly?) skating now. I had Plutarch and Shakespeare scheduled on Fridays but that won't work when we need to be out of the house by 9:30.

This coming week I am looking forward to being home more so I don't feel so much pressure. I am also hoping that Austin can get into a groove with his math and science. He was very frustrated last week and it breaks my heart to see him working so hard and still not understanding. This kid gets an "A" for effort for sure! I wish with all my heart that I could go back to the beginning of our homeschooling and do math over with Austin and see if it makes a difference. There are so many things I would change.

My personal goal for this coming week is to blog 4 times. I would like to write a separate post to update on each of the kids, plus I need to decide upon a Word of the Year for 2012 and blog about the impact of my 2011 WOTY! It's amazing - and also cautions me to select carefully because God takes these things seriously, in my experience! LOL

Have a great week friends!

Week In Review: Term 2, Week 1

2012-01-22T17:02:00.002-05:00

Our term 1 was a true mess, what with Riley being gone a week for a mission trip, then the girls and I being gone for a week too Disney World, and then Austin going for 5 days to Florida for a fishing trip. And then I had two separate trips this fall to run marathons that not only took me away, but then the races themselves wore me out physically and mentally. Add into that an injury that had my mind distracted and took me away to physical therapy a few times a week. Then Austin started having seizures again, and before you knew it, the holidays were upon us. We never sank into a good groove, and it felt like we were just trying to throw in some work around our crazy lives. That's never productive. Or at least it isn't for us.

But now we have to really make some progress and set our minds to education. My running schedule will be much less this coming year not only to allow me to completely recover from last fall's injury but also to allow me time to better prepare for lessons. The kds' activities will continue to overwhelm from time to time, but we have until July to get all of our required days in! Someone will just have to remind me of this when June rolls around and we're still doing lessons! LOL

This first week back served as a math refresher for the big kids. Austin is doing a combination of Key to Algebra (in Book 4 now) and Math U See Algebra 1. It is really hard for him and he is not enjoying it. Riley is now doing Math U See Pre-Algebra for an assortment of reasons that I won't bore you with.

Reece is about halfway through Right Start Math, Level C and still loves it. And she hasn't needed any review. It seems we can lay off lessons for 3 weeks and she is able to basically pick up where she left off! She is just getting started into some drawing/geometry lessons (using a T-square, triangles, drawing board, etc) and I had considered skipping them in my attempt to get her "caught up" to her age/grade level peers in math. But I knew that she would really enjoy these lessons, and I want to keep that spark for math alive. So we continued on, and she has done the first lesson. Another day I will blog about the perimeter lesson that preceded it - and helped me to put aside my concerns of her being behind.

Our second term history will focus on Ancient Greece. Riley is beyond excited because she loves this time period from her ~~obsession with~~ enjoyment of the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series. She is reading The Story of the Greeks and the first half of Augustus Caesar's World. Austin is reading the section on Ancient Greece in World History: A Human Odyssey. And Reece will read the chapters on Ancient Greece in The Story of the World, Volume 1. Both of the big kids are also reading The Children's Homer, and Austin will follow that up with reading some of the original Iliad. Riley is reading Archimedes and the Door of Science for her biography this term. Reece is reading In Grandma's Attic, as she is completing the Sonlight curriculum's early reading lists. Austin continues his government study, and we will be focusing on elections and current events for the rest of this year, for obvious reasons! He will be able to vote in the next presidential election after this one! WOW!

Austin continues with his DVD-based Physical Science class from local educator Derek Owens. It is a new format for him (lecture-based) and he finds it challenging. There is also quite a bit of math required and he struggles with that as well so it makes the science harder. Riley is continuing Apologia's General Science. Reece is still enjoying the Burgess Flower Book.

Austin will have this term off from grammar while he focuses on writing by using Susan Wise Bauer's new curriculum called Writing With Skill. Both he and Riley will be working in level 1, which is currently the only level available. It is written to the student which makes it nice for me. Riley will do some grammar refreshing by beginning Our Mother Tongue, which is a small English Grammar text. Reece is still working in First Language Lessons, Level 3 and Writing With Ease, Level 2. She gets summarizing, copywork, dictation practice and beginning diagramming instruction and I don't have to pull it together on my own! Reece is also doing a spelling workbook from Rod and Staff because she loves it, but I am considering starting her in Spelling Wisdom (literature/dictation-based spelling) when she completes this workbook in a few weeks. Austin is doing Sequential Spelling for Adults in yet another attempt to help him spell better.

Riley is resuming Latin and French, much to her dismay. She wants to study Greek (see aforementioned obsession with Ancient Greece), and I told her that she can add Greek when she finishes with this Latin book, if she still desires.

That's all of the individual stuff I can think of. Our family lessons will have us completing the Hymn Study we began 3 years ago! We actually already know 2/3 of this term's hymns because of our current church! I will have to find us a new hymn CD! We continue to study the history of sculpture in A Child's History of Art. Our scripture for the term comes from the book of Luke and we continue to work through the original Pilgrim's Progress. This week we also began our first REAL Plutarch lesson using a wonderful study guide found on the Ambleside Online website. I think I felt part of my brain explode during the lesson and the kids kept saying, "HUH??" but we muddled through! LOL

I think that's all... if I'm forgetting something, I'm sure you won't mind because if you've gotten this far, you're probably getting pretty bored! ;) I'm going to attempt to post this week and update on each of the kids individually. They have each had lots of developments during the fall!

Thanks for hanging with me during all the silence!

The Last Day of 2011

2011-12-31T17:43:00.001-05:00

It's been awhile since I've posted a picture of the kids - can you believe how big they have all gotten?!?! I sure can't! This picture was actually taken on Christmas Eve. We had a wonderful Christmas, by the way!

Like any year, there was good and bad. And I don't expect any different in this coming year! My hope is that what changes is my reaction to those things, both the good and the bad!

2012 is going to be a big year for our family. Austin turns 16, Riley turns 13, and Reece turns 10. I turn 40 a number which shall not be named. Our family dynamic is changing so quickly as the kids move into adolescence and begin a trek towards adulthood. Austin is hoping to get his learner's permit and license (which he will be able to do once he is seizure-free for six months). Riley just wants to dance and dance and dance and dance. Reece is so excited to have "two numbers" in her age, like Betsy and Tacy. I'm just wanting my body to finish healing so I can get back to my regular running!

I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year's Eve! Happy 2012! :)

I'll be back...

2011-12-15T20:53:00.003-05:00

I think I'm getting to the point where I can post regularly here again without being Debbie Downer all the time! So hang tight with me - if you're still out there at all - and I'll be back soon!

I'm also trying to figure out how to balance sharing my experiences while respecting the privacy of my teenager and almost teenager. It was different when they were younger. But that's the story of my life these days! LOL

It's Back.

2011-11-12T10:53:00.002-05:00

Last night at band rehearsal, Austin had a grand mal seizure. This comes just one month after he was given the "all clear" (meaning that he was seizure free for one year without medication). He is back on medication now - a stronger one - and we will follow up with the neurologist this coming week.

Narration by stealth

2011-10-04T18:05:00.002-04:00

Today Riley began her geography book, The Brendan Voyage. We are batting zero in terms of books that she is happy about reading this year so far, but I remain optimistic that something will resonate with her at some point.

As you can imagine, her narrations about these books have been pretty pathetic. And sometimes sarcastic (being a preteen, that seems par for the course). But I actually don't mind the sarcastic ones because she at least has to be understanding it well enough to make fun of it! LOL

But today I decided to try something new. During the girls' dance classes this afternoon, I read the same chapter she read earlier today. Then on the drive home, I started talking about what I liked the best about the chapter: what excited me, what made me concerned, what surprised me. I went on to add what I was thinking and what questions I have for the rest of the book. She didn't really talk as much as I was hoping, but she did interject her opinions here and there.

And then, she stopped, and said, "OHHHHHHH."

I looked at her with a puzzled expression (somewhat feigned LOL).

"You're trying to get me excited about this book. I see through you."

I think I should get an A for effort! :D

Monthly Reflections 2011-2012: September

2011-10-01T14:24:00.003-04:00

In a grand effort to avoid lesson planning, I present you with a new blog post! LOL

September was a challenging month to get in our lessons. First, my older daughter had a wonderful mission trip opportunity with her dance company to travel to New Mexico and minister on a Navajo reservation. It was her first time away from home, and it made me nervous, but she had a great time!

I did lessons with Austin and Reece while Riley was gone. Sadly enough, it went so much more smoothly. I think that was why it was so hard when she came back. I wrote our August reflection post during the time when she had just come home. I probably should have waited until things were settled in a bit before I posted. My emotions were raw. Yes, school is more stressful for all of us when Riley is home. But I do not want to send her to school to get her away from me. One of the reasons I started homeschooling her in the first place was because I wanted to be able to connect with her, which has always been a challenge for me, even when she was little. I just have to figure out how to do that. And unfortunately, I think this is a bad time to try to do it because she is right in the middle of the developmental stage of her life when she is pulled between childhood and adulthood. So, like with the special needs kids, we'll make accommodations. For her, this might mean some online courses, at least until she is better able to take instruction from me. But at this time, I simply don't perceive that God is calling me to put her (or any of the kids) in school.

5 days after Riley came home from her trip, it was time for me and the girls to go to Walt Disney World for a week with my mother. Even though I know it isn't the fairest thing to do, I left Austin with a list of assignments for the week. I didn't break them down into daily assignments like I always do, however. I just gave him a list by subject and what needed to be done by the time we got home. My dh called me on Friday morning (down in Disney) and said Austin was texting him asking him questions about his work. I had assumed that they would be working together in the evening, but I guess I wasn't specific about my expectations with either of them. When I got home, Austin had completed only 2 pages of math. He did no reading. He attempted to do his science assignments without watching the lessons first. He did do all of his writing assignments but those are broken down into daily assignments by the curriculum itself.

In short, in the words of my 12 year old daughter, it was an "epic fail."

I think the leap between a daily assignment sheet and a 'syllabus' for the week was just too much. That's not his fault. He wanted to work and he seemed to try, but because he is used to working alongside me most of the day, when he got stuck he just didn't do what to do. That could be a little bit of his fault! LOL I have to keep in mind that if I am going to expect him to work at "high school level," which is outside of the Zone of Proximal Development for him, then I'm going to have to be on hand more to scaffold the learning. That's just how it goes.

Reece surprised me yet again this week. She had finished the 2nd "Betsy-Tacy" book before we left for Disney World. I had the 3rd one ready for her to begin, and that would be the last one for now, as Betsy and her friends are much older than Reece in the next book. But when we got back home, I couldn't find the book anywhere. I went to the bookshelf and pulled out a couple of selections for her to choose from, each a book by Beverly Cleary. She didn't seem really interested in either one. So I picked up "On the Banks of Plum Creek" from her read-aloud list. I asked if she'd like to start it herself. She said, "Do you think I'm ready?" I smiled and said that I did think she is ready to read it on her own. She immediately grabbed it and ran off to her room to begin!

Well, a few minutes later, I found the elusive Betsy-Tacy book - right where I had put it so I would know where it is. @@ I walked into Reece's room and asked her if she wanted to put aside Laura Ingalls Wilder since I had found her book. To my surprise, she said no! Here was this big thick book... and she wanted to read it! She wasn't too afraid!

When she was finished with the first chapter, she came out of her room and looked very upset. I asked what was wrong and she said, "Pa SOLD Pet and Patty!! Can you BELIEVE it?? And Laura is upset but she thinks she is too big to cry! I am so mad at Pa!!" I tried to take Pa's side, but Reece was having none of it! Guess that would count as making connections, huh?

So, yeah, lots of ups and downs this month. I should be used to this by now. And we'll keep plugging away. I am starting to believe that our focus this year is going to end up being much more about our relationships than our academics. Not that academics are not going to be accomplished, because they are - you know I'm too much of a box checker to become an unschooler! LOL But if Education is ... "an atmosphere, a discipline, a life" then it's about more than just the academics, and I can't ignore that.

Homeschooling Meme

2011-09-28T13:17:00.002-04:00

Courtesy of Tammy at Aut-2b-Home, I present you with a homeschool meme!

1. One homeschooling book you have enjoyed -

I especially enjoyed reading For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macauley. In fact, I think I need to read it again as a refresher.

2. One resource you wouldn't be without -

The internet. If I had to, I could completely educate my children using the internet (and many of those resources would be free!)

3. One resource you wish you had never bought -

Sadly enough, the Well-Trained Mind book. As much as I love it and it resonates with me, it has set me up to feel that it is the gold standard and anything less than that one particular brand of classical education is not good enough. It's not the book's fault, not the authors' faults, strictly me. And it has caused me more than enough grief in my 9+ years of home education.

4. One resource you enjoyed last year -

RightStart Mathematics, Level B. This curriculum connected with Reece and she was finally able to understand math. I wish I had been able to use it for the big kids!

5. One resource you will be using next year -

I am assuming they mean the school year we are currently working on. If not, I have to answer this way anyway because I simply can't think of next year yet! LOL Since Austin's science class got canceled, I found an online resource for Physical Science. The instructor is a local math and science teacher and he offered a trial of the class for free online. Austin responded well to it so I purchased the entire DVD set. This same instructor offers Pre-Algebra videos online for free. He has higher level math courses and a physics course that can be taken in person in the Atlanta area, or as an online course. I am fairly certain that Riley will be doing her math through him at some point.

6. One resource you would like to buy -

Honestly, I don't want to buy anything right now. I am overloaded with curricula and options. I just want to feel confident in using what I have on hand in the best way that I can!

7. One resource you wish existed -

Something like Ambleside, but where the books are more modern. If it could also be set up so that the entire family was on the same history time period, that would be nice. And since I'm dreaming here, it would have detailed guidance on what to expect at each level in terms of oral and written narrations, etc.

8. One homeschool catalog you enjoy reading -

I used to love to read the Sonlight catalog but they changed it this year. I guess I will hold on to my last copy for dear life!

9. One homeschool website you use regularly -

Simply Charlotte Mason because it has the clearest explanations of Charlotte Mason's philosophies. I do not always follow all of her suggestions, but I do appreciate the ease with which she breaks down Mason's ideas.

10. Tag six other homeschoolers -

I don't know any others that haven't already been tagged by Tammy, but if you're a homeschooler and you're reading my blog still (God bless you! LOL), then do this meme and please comment so I can go read it!

Monthly Reflections 2011-2012: August

2011-09-13T11:00:00.000-04:00

I originally began this post on Labor Day. I wanted to give anyone who might still be out there an update on how our first month of the new school year went. I got a few paragraphs written, but then I stopped. I couldn't really get a feel for what was wrong. I didn't blog at all in August because I didn't want to do the same old complaining that I've been caught up in for so long.

"It's hard."

"I'm scared."

"Don't know if I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing."

I'm sure you're wanting to say, "We know already. For pete's sake, get over it and move on!" LOL

I understand and I will tell you that I'm working on it. This summer, and especially through August, I have come to regret that we ever started homeschooling. It's been a horrible feeling, especially since I have always been so strongly convinced that homeschooling was the right choice for our family. And yet, for the last few months I have been left to wonder why I ever started in the first place, and where our family might be now if I had never taken Austin out of school.

Of course, when I drift into these thoughts the picture I have of "where we would be" is very rosy. The kids are happy in school and doing much better academically than they are at home. They are in good public schools because I have been working for the last 7 years and we are able to afford a home in a better school district. Austin and Reece have been getting the therapy that they need through the schools, and Austin was diagnosed much sooner because the schools recognized the problem long before I accepted it. We have nice new cars that have fewer than 100,000 miles on them. The girls each have their own rooms because we can afford a bigger house. My dh only has to work one job, because I am working. The kids get to do more activities because we have the money to pay for it. Everyone gets along much better because they aren't around each other all the time, and we are all much happier.

::sigh:: It's a nice picture, isn't it?

If I'm honest with myself, I know that this picture doesn't not necessarily represent reality. Maybe it does? Maybe it doesn't. But it's hard to remind myself of that truth on those really hard days. And they've ALL been hard lately. But maybe that's because I spend too much time thinking of what could have been (that nice picture?) instead of what is.

So here is what is, or what was, for the month of August:

Austin tries very hard and is determined to do his very best to reach his goals.
Riley is going through a very challenging time in her life, but she will get through it eventually.
Reece is excited about learning and is having a lot of fun.

So there you go! Short and sweet!

September will be a very ineffective month academically, so I am hoping to make it a very effective month relationally! Will let you know how that works out!

T-minus 3 days and counting

2011-08-01T10:19:00.003-04:00

Our first day of school is Wednesday. Not sure how much time I'll have for blogging, but honestly, I don't get a whole lot of hits on new posts anyway (now that I know how to check it LOL) so I don't think it will be a huge loss to folks! ;)

Let's try this again... a question?

2011-07-27T14:31:00.002-04:00

OK, I deleted my earlier post. No room for negativity. We are committed to make this work for the first term and we will do our best and learn from our experience.

Riley did crack me up this afternoon after stumbling onto Ivanhoe and declaring that she "isn't going to read that". She told me that she doesn't NEED to read classic literature that is too hard and she doesn't understand. She told me that I NEED to find books that are interesting to her and that she enjoys.

What do you think? Does a 12 year old (7th grade) child get input about what books are too hard before she even tries them?

Some peace...

2011-07-24T20:36:00.002-04:00

This weekend I have been working on breaking down our term weeks into daily assignments. Because the big kids' books will be a step up in difficulty, I think it will be even more crucial to break up the daily reading into small chunks, as Charlotte recommended. This will give the kids more time to focus on the complex language and to get familiar with the characters (both fictional and real) and with what is going on.

So I've just started this process, and I'm finding that I'm not nearly as overwhelmed as I have been. Yes, it's going to be a lot. Yes, our days are going to be longer. And yes, I'm prepared to drop some things or take it even more slowly if necessary. But overall, I think we have a good place to start.

I'm also really excited for Reece's schedule because I think she's going to be able to read one or two of her own school books for the first time! We'll have to see how it goes with her comprehension, but I'm going to have her give it a try!! Yes, some things I will have to read to her still, but I think she'll be able to handle Child's History of the World and American Tall Tales and Marco Polo! :)

I'm hoping to wrap up the planning early this week and get onto the reading! I need to get a head start so I am able to keep up!

Family Lessons, First Term 2011-2012

2011-07-20T17:03:00.002-04:00

I think I listed all of our books in the other posts. I will check tonight to see if I left anything out. (As I type this, I am thinking I left out Language Arts, but I will look later)

The rest of our lessons are done together and involve Fine Arts, Bible, Plutarch, and Shakespeare.

Art History will continue the Child's History of Art series with the Sculpture book. Last year I had only used the textbook, but this year I ordered the curriculum from Calvert School. I am anxious to have the art prints!

Our Artist/Picture Study artist of the term will be Henri Matisse. He's french, and I thought Reece would like him! Plus I already had the prints printed out! :)

Our Hymn Study will find us finishing WOW, Hymns that we began two years ago. The hymns we will study include Great is Thy Faithfulness, Rock of Ages, and Be Thou My Vision.

Our Composer of the term is Tchaikovsky. We have hit on him before a few years ago, but I wanted to study him again now that Reece is older.

Our Shakespeare play for the first term is Henry V. I have to be open and tell you that I selected this one because the DVD is a Kenneth Branaugh production, and I like him. LOL

We will study the REAL Plutarch's Lives beginning with Poplicola. We are using the study guide from Ambleside Online.

This year we will be reading the REAL Pilgrim's Progress (we may take 2 years, depending on how it goes with everyone). We first did the picture book version, Dangerous Journey. Last year I read aloud Little Pilgrim's Progress, and the kids thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm excited to attempt the original!

We are also going to be doing some Bible Study this year with John, Luke, and Acts. I think we will read together, taking turns, and discuss using the Life Application Study Bible to guide us. I haven't yet determined our Memory Verses.

And there you have our family lessons - we begin each day together in the kitchen or living room with these lessons! :)

History and Literature 2011-2012, first term

2011-07-17T10:33:00.002-04:00

With all of the stressing out I've been doing recently, I decided to try something new with our coming school year and my planning. I'm not sure if it's a sound idea or if I should be ashamed of myself, but I am trying to strike a balance between stepping out in faith and trust, and controlling my fear (which a dear friend reminded me is NOT from God). I'm only going to be planning the first term. I will only buy the books that are required for the first term, and plan out our first term, and do the very best to make that work. And if I get to the end of the first term and it seems like it has been a complete disaster, then I can regroup and make adjustments. But I won't know if the books are too hard, or if the schedule is too overwhelming, until we give it a try. And since I have felt for a long time that God has lead us to find CM (and Ambleside) then I will put my trust that He will also help us through it, or show me once and for all that it's not working (even with the modifications) so I can try to work out a new plan.

One of the reasons (and I hope I'm not repeating myself here but I don't have time to go back and re-read my recent posts so if this is a repeat, please ignore it) that we didn't go with ancients is that I was looking at the different books for ancient history and they all seemed completely overwhelming. I had planned to use Susan Wise Bauer's History of the Ancient World (first book in her new series for adults) but was discouraged from using it with a less than advanced 9th grader by folks who have used it with their high schoolers. And works written in ancient times are very, very complex and hard to understand. I had looked at the suggested ancient history texts for AO Year 6, but those looked too easy to count for high school credit. So I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place. I considered using My Father's World Ancient History for high school but it was simply too expensive considering we are paying for a science class for Austin this year.

That left me looking at HEO (upper years for Ambleside) again, but I was determined that we should get through modern history by 12th grade, which means something had to go. And that something would have to be ancient history. But then I looked at the texts for Year 8 (which would be our starting place if I wanted to finish through modern history - Year 11 - by 12th grade) and that is Winston Churchill's history series, which may just be more difficult than anything written by Susan Wise Bauer. The only difference is 400 fewer pages in Churchill. So there we go.

Basically, I have been feeling like either way, it's going to be overwhelming. But Austin is determined to finish high school in the next 4 years and to try to go to the local tech college (basically the equivalent of community college here). So he's going to have to be willing to step up to the plate and take a big swing at some fast pitches, if you'll excuse the baseball metaphor.

In light of all of that rambling, here is Austin's history and literature book list for Term 1 of his 9th grade year:

The New World by Sir Winston Churchill (History)
Martin Luther's Defense before the Diet of Worms (History)
A Man for All Seasons (Biography)
A History of English Literature for Boys and Girls (Literature)
Everyman: a Morality play (Lit- play)
Westward Ho! (Literature)
Johannes Kepler (Biography)
Fierce Wars & Faithful Loves (Lit- Poetry)

Riley's decision-making was a little easier because I know she is capable of a challenging, college-prep, curriculum. She just doesn't really WANT to do the work, and she battles me when I attempt to make her do it. I decided that I did want her to get a high school level look at ancient history, since she has done a cursory look twice before. So I bumped her up to Year 7 (Year 6 would have been next, but I was planning to stretch it out because she had finished moderns last year, and I was going to add a term in ancient Egypt). I decided that it was more important for her to get another go at Ancients in 12th grade, assuming that she does well with this year. I am most concerned with the Churchill history book as I heard that the first one is the hardest to get through. I purchased both books from audible.com so they can each follow along and listen to their history if that will be helpful.

Here is Riley's history and literature for the 1st term of 7th grade:

The Birth of Britain by Sir Winston Churchill (History)
Joan of Arc (Biography)
King Arthur (Literature)
Ivanhoe (Literature)
History of English Literature for Boys and Girls (Literature)
Life of King Alfred (Biography)
Idylls of the King (Lit- Poetry)

Reece's was a little easier, though I still have doubts about whether or not I should take her through all of the Story of the World series by Susan Wise Bauer. But I know she will enjoy the stories in Our Island Story and Child's History of the World. Again, I'm just going to step out in faith and see how it goes. For trivia purposes, this is the AO Year that I used when I started AO way back with Austin and Riley! :) I think she will be able to read a couple of these books on her own this term, but I will have to figure out a way to ease her into that! LOL

Reece's history and literature list for the 1st term of 4th grade:
Our Island Story (History)
Child's History of the World (History)
This Country of Ours (History)
The Heroes (Literature)
The Princess and the Goblin (Literature)
Starry Messenger (Biography)
American Tall Tales (Literature)

So, at last, there are the history and literature lists. It seems very overwhelming to type it all out, but I'm hoping that the slow CM style readings will make it all much easier to manage. Regardless, the Black Pearl Academy will be taking a step up for all of its students this coming year!

Let the ordering begin...

2011-07-09T16:06:00.004-04:00

I went ahead and began to order books today. The last couple of weeks of planning and list-making has been a challenge. And I had some battling to do within myself. Which is normal for me, but I have a new perspective on it. I so often waiver between what I want to do, what I feel like we've been led to do, but then I get scared and think I can't do it and then I try to change things up and it makes everything so much more complicated. And then I try to make my book lists "perfect" so we don't "miss anything" and it ends up being so stressful and unpleasant.

So I took a deep breath, and I was honest with myself. I can't make anything perfect. What I can do is to stick with what has worked, adjust it as necessary, and make that fit into the "high school transcript" paradigm.

So, in short, we are not all doing ancients next year. In fact, none of us are. With all of our starting and stopping with history over the years, as well as with our love of mythology, we have spent a lot of time in ancient times. Looking at the big picture, there were other things I wanted to cover. Therefore, Ambleside will be our framework, as usual. Austin's framework will begin with Year 8 Lite, Riley's framework will be Year 7 lite, and Reece's framework will be Year 3. I chose the lite versions for both of the big kids (there is no 'lite' version in the younger years, so I'll just pick and choose books as I see fit) because the books are very meaty and challenging. I don't want us to feel unnecessarily rushed trying to fit it all in.

Riley's history time period will be the middle ages, and Reece and Austin will be in the Renaissance and Reformation. I don't have time today to list out the books, but I will work on posting the rest of the book lists this coming week, I promise!

With the coming election season, I decided this would be a good time to study our government in more detail. Ambleside has a selection of books listed, but I didn't really care for them. Instead, I went with a recommendation from the Well-Trained Mind called The Complete Idiot's Guide to the American Government. We will read through it slowly over this year and the early part of next year, and it will tie into our current events study (which is going to be new for the big kids this year). Then the kids will read through the foundational documents of our government as they come to them in their history studies. When this is done, I will award 1/2 Government credit to Austin.

For Geography, Reece will read a book about Marco Polo (she should be able to read this to herself!!), Riley will read a book called The Brendan Voyage, and Austin will read The Life of Christopher Columbus. The Brendan Voyage looks exceptionally interesting. Here is a description from amazon:

Could an Irish monk in the sixth century really have sailed all the way across the Atlantic in a small open boat, thus beating Columbus to the New World by almost a thousand years? Relying on the medieval text of St. Brendan, award-winning adventure writer Tim Severin painstakingly researched and built a boat identical to the leather curragh that carried Brendan on his epic voyage. He found a centuries-old, family-run tannery to prepare the ox hides in the medieval way; he undertook an exhaustive search for skilled harness makers (the only people who would know how to stitch the three-quarter-inch-thick hides together); he located one of the last pieces of Irish-grown timber tall enough to make the mainmast. But his courage and resourcefulness were truly tested on the open seas, including one heart-pounding episode when he and his crew repaired a dangerous tear in the leather hull by hanging over the side--their heads sometimes submerged under the freezing waves--to restitch the leather. A modern classic in the tradition of Kon-Tiki, The Brendan Voyage seamlessly blends high adventure and historical relevance. It has been translated into twenty-seven languages since its original publication in 1978.

The book on Columbus comes from his own journals, so that should be fascinating, as well! We will coordinate mapwork to go with each journey. Additionally, the kids will be locating the places they read about in their other subjects on maps, globes, and atlases.

We are going to attempt timelines and a Book of Centuries again this year. We have had horrible luck making these work in the past, but I'm going to try again with Austin and Riley. I am afraid this is one area where I'll have to practice "good enough" thinking.

As I mentioned earlier, the big kids will be studying Current Events. I am going to subscribe to World magazine for a Christian perspective, but I would like a more traditional media perspective for them to compare. I am considering Newsweek, but I'm very open to suggestions.

We will do an introduction to Economics with the book Whatever Happened to Penny Candy? I have heard good things about this book, so I thought it would be a gentle introduction. I don't know where we'll go from there with Econ, but I do know that I want to use Dave Ramsey's books for the personal finance portion.

I guess that will be all for today. I need to list our family lessons still, as well as the books for history and literature. That will come this week! Thanks for your patience!

You want the book lists? You can't handle the book lists!!

2011-07-01T09:56:00.005-04:00

You know, I could probably start a theme with my blog post titles. They could all be movie quotes, just modified to fit my topic that day. I know I could do it... I usually quote movies all day long in my every day life! LOL Something to think about, I guess!

But, first, the topic at hand. You'd like to know what we're doing for our school year next year, wouldn't you? OK, I know you wouldn't. But since my blog is basically my little diary, then I'm going to go ahead and type for my own sake. And because I'm trying to avoid the housework. Shhhh, don't tell anyone! ;)

I thought I would start by including the areas where I am the most confident in our plans and save other areas for different posts. That's my theory anyway, so let's see where that takes us.

MATH
Reece will continue with RightStart. She will continue working in Level C, and I suspect she will finish it and move into Level D, but it's all at her pace.

Riley will do pre-Algebra, either with Horizons or with the Lial's Basic College Mathematics book. I may have her finish the Singapore Primary Math series in addition to the pre-Algebra book, but I'm not sure.

Austin will attempt Algebra 1 with Key to Algebra and Lial's Introductory Algebra. I'm not sure yet how to combine them, but the plan is to start with Key to... and go from there.

LOGIC
Austin and Riley will each do The Fallacy Detective and The Art of Argument, but not together. I'll start one child in one book, and the other child in the other. I guess for a topic like Logic/Debate, it might be better to do it together for discussion purposes. We'll have to see.

TYPING (Reece)
Typing Instructor Deluxe, on the computer - Riley used this and did very well.

SCIENCE
Austin will take an outside class for science this year for the first time. The instructor uses BJUP's Physical Science textbook. The class meets once a week for 90 minutes, and he will have additional assignments to complete at home. Riley will begin Apologia's General Science book. In addition, she will read It Couldn't Just Happen, and biographies of Archimedes, Galileo, and Galen. Reece will learn about flowers from The Burgess Flower Book (a beautiful out of print book I won on ebay!!!!) and insects from Jack's Insects (reprinted by Simply Charlotte Mason). We will get kits from Insect Lore and grow butterflies and others, and we will grow some flowers.

I'm going to go ahead and stop there... I guess it's an OK start, but considering we're in July already, that's a little unnerving! LOL

Does the secret lie with Charlotte??

2011-06-29T10:53:00.002-04:00

(OK, who wants to tell me the movie reference in the title of this post? I don't have anything to give you as a prize, except the satisfaction in being as goofy as me, and my husband who inspired the title)

As promised, I am going to blog about Reece's test results. She was given the Woodcock Johnson Tests of Achievement last Friday. I was able to observe the testing and I had been pleased to see that she handled everything quite well. Not only was I glad that she felt competent (which was the purpose for doing this test instead of just having me administer the ITBS at home) but I could be assured that the results would be more accurate. I noticed, and the tester noticed, that she gave up easily with more difficult tasks. However, this was not accompanied by a meltdown, which I see as a very positive indication.

The results were very encouraging! I knew there would be some "below grade level" areas. Math would be one, as would spelling and writing. We simply haven't focused on spelling and original writing that much following the Charlotte Mason approach. And math had been a real struggle for Reece until we found RightStart Mathematics. These things considered, Reece scored a 2.5 GE in writing, and a 2.9 GE in spelling, and anywhere from 2.9 to 3.5 GE on various math tests.

Let me take a moment just in case anyone doesn't understand what is meant by a GE. GE stands for "Grade Equivalent". It means that Reece performed on this test the way you would expect someone in that grade/month to perform on the same test. So Reece is considered to currently be at 3.9 - third grade, 9th month. Her writing score of 2.5 GE indicates that she performed on this test the way you would expect someone in the 2nd grade, 5th month to perform. So the child who completed the "first grade" math book for Right Start (which is the grade level B is designed to be used for) tested in the late 2nd grade to mid third grade range in math. Her overall math score was 3.4. Not too shabby at all, if you ask me.

One funny note about the math before I move on: she would not attempt anything that "looked" hard on the written math test. I had tried to explain simply multiplication to her the week before the test because she has been skip-counting, which is multiplication in it's most rote form. But she was just frustrated and overwhelmed by it. No biggie. But during the oral portion of the math test where she was having to solve problems, she had a problem which required the use of division. She solved this problem easily. I told her after her test that she used division without even knowing it and she was quite pleased with herself. So RightStart is helping with mathematical thinking! Ok, moving on.

Her reading scores were even more surprising. Her overall reading score was 4.8 (4th grade, 8th month). That doesn't mean she's reading on nearly a 5th grade level, remember. It simply means she performed above average... how a nearly 5th grader would be expected to perform. This was surprising to me because she does not like to read and she gets easily frustrated by it. Letter-word identification and reading fluency were both 4.7, so this shows me that she just needs to gain confidence in her reading. She seems to be right on target!

By far the biggest surprise came in the category of "Story Recall" and "Story Recall - Delayed". In the first test, the tester read a story and Reece was asked to retell the story with as many details as she could remember. This was done fairly early in the process, maybe the 2nd or 3rd section. Then after the rest of the tests were over, the tester part of the first sentence of each story again, and Reece had to retell as many details as she could remember. Sound familiar? OK, you ready for those scores? Story recall: >13.3 and Story Recall - Delayed: >17.8.

Um, that would be COLLEGE level equivalents. From my autistic rising 4th grader. Narration works. And not only does it work, it ROCKS!! Can you see it in the scores?? It's right there in black and white!

So as my husband said after reading these results... "Maybe the secret lies with Charlotte?" ;)

Testing, testing...

2011-06-26T13:53:00.002-04:00

No, this is not a test! The tests have actually all been completed this year! ;)

The state of Georgia mandates that we administer a standardized test at the end of 3rd, 6th, 9th, and 12th grades. That means that Riley and Reece were due for some testing. Austin had comprehensive testing done back in the winter, which wasn't required by law, but I did to give me a fresh look at his current abilities before we begin high school. I blogged about his results here.

Reece was tested privately by the same lady who tested Austin in the winter, however, we only did the achievement tests (Woodcock-Johnson) and not the comprehensive testing. I will be able to blog about her results when I receive them in a few days, but the testing experience itself went much better than I had anticipated. Reece didn't have a single meltdown while we were there. She worked very, very hard! From just what I was able to observe, her results will be a pleasant surprise.

Riley's ITBS results came in the mail on Friday. She had tested with a group for the first time this year, mostly due to the struggles we've been having recently. I did not feel like I had to patience to administer the test with her one-on-one, and I felt like she could use a group testing experience. I was anticipating a slight dip in her test scores, just because the last year or two (mostly the last year) she has been very difficult to teach. She argues, cries, refuses to do her work - her energy has been spent trying to get out of doing work, rather than buckling down and learning. I have alluded to our struggles, but have only really scratched the surface. The onset of puberty has not been pleasant at the Black Pearl Academy, to say the least.

So her scores came in, and while they are still quite high and in the "above average" range (for all but math... more on that in a bit), they are still below what I know she is capable of. I've been assured that this could be related to puberty, or the fact that it was the first time testing in a group and she was being VERY social, or other factors, but it still frustrates me. I know she's capable of so much. I wish she would apply herself and focus. She is so smart.

Math is one area that is going to have to be fixed, however. Her scores in math went way down. Down to right in the middle of the average range. I'm simply not comfortable with that, especially with Algebra right around the corner. I think I'm going to need to switch to different math curriculum. She didn't used to need lots of practice and review, but apparently that has changed. I want to make sure she is completely confident with arithmetic, even if that means that we end up pushing Algebra back to 9th grade. :(

I have been battling with negative thoughts all weekend. I am blaming myself. I used to joke that I had Riley's excellent test scores to remind me that I wasn't a complete failure as a homeschooler. Well, guess what? Yeah.

I wish I could go back to the days when homeschooling was just fun and there wasn't so much pressure.

We have lists!

2011-06-19T20:17:00.001-04:00

In a feat that is nothing short of a miracle, the book lists are done and the shopping lists are prepared. I am ready to begin purchasing our materials for school year 2011-2012, aka 9th grade, 7th grade, and 4th grade! I'm going to wait to order until after the 4th of July to avoid all the holiday craziness.

Also, I did decide to enroll Austin in the science class. We are both excited!

More details on the plans will come this week! :)

Do we need a little class?

2011-06-15T19:04:00.006-04:00

I'm truly making headway with our book lists for the fall. I am trying to keep a balance for Austin between reading the classic great books and reading adaptations or historical fiction. Ancient works of literature can be challenging, and I want him to be able to understand what he's reading so he can make connections with the story. So far, I want him to read and/or listen to a translation of Gilgamesh, the Iliad/Odyssey, and the Last Days of Socrates. Those classics, along with the historical fiction and mythology, will be quite sufficient.

I am considering having us use the Windows to the World program from IEW, as an introduction to literary analysis. I say "us" because I would buy a student book and complete the curriculum alongside Austin. Lit analysis is one of my weakest areas, and one that I never really understood in school, so I could take this opportunity to work through it with Austin! I'm just not sure how true to CM's principles it would be. I need to research that.

Now, about the 'class' that I mention in the title. A few days ago, a post came across our local homeschooling yahoogroup about a lady offering high school level science classes in the home of a lady who lives 10 minutes from my house. Her name had been recommended to me by a long-time homeschooler, so I took the time to email her and ask her a few questions about the appropriateness of her class for Austin.

She answered all of my questions favorably, basically telling me that any child who works hard and gives their best effort (whatever that might be) will pass her class. They will have homework, but the once per week 90 minute class time will be discussion and lab oriented. Tests will be sent home and administered by the parent "in the way the parent deems most appropriate." I did ask if she would be comfortable with him not participating a lot, especially at the beginning. Austin is very quiet while he assesses a new situation, and I wouldn't want him to be penalized for this. She said if he was asked a question, and he wasn't comfortable speaking, he could simply shake his head and she would move on. (When I told Austin this, he said, "Well, that would appear rude, so I think I would just try to answer the question in the best way I can." You know I loved that response!!!)

I've been securing Austin's input during this entire process, forwarding him the emails from the teacher. He is concerned that the work will be too hard. I assured him that I would be able to help him in any way that he needs with his homework, and we would prepare for the weekly class as best we can. I truly think this could be a good experience for Austin. If he wants to go to college, he will need to be able to work in a classroom situation, and the way this class is set up seems to resemble a college class setup somewhat (preparing the material outside of class and using class time for discussion and hands-on work). The price is reasonable and the teacher is experienced and knowledgeable.

I will be praying over this decision and discussing it with Austin and my husband.

Worldly Expections

2011-06-12T13:52:00.006-04:00

Well, this has been an interesting morning. I blogged the post below right before I left for church. Literally. I clicked "Publish Post" and we walked out the door.

The sermon series this month is on the book of Hebrews. Today's sermon was on Hebrews 2: 1-4 specifically:

(A Warning against Drifting Away)

¹ So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. ² For the message God delivered through angels has always stood firm, and every violation of the law and every act of disobedience was punished. ³ So what makes us think we can escape if we ignore this great salvation that was first announced by the Lord Jesus himself and then delivered to us by those who heard him speak? ⁴ And God confirmed the message by giving signs and wonders and various miracles and gifts of the Holy Spirit whenever he chose.

Towards the end of the sermon, our pastor started speaking about Peter and how we always talk about how he sank in the water when he took his eyes off Jesus, which is true - but why don't we focus on the fact that Peter WALKED ON WATER. He was listening to Jesus and following the truth. It wasn't until he was distracted by the world around him - by the expectations of the world - that he panicked.

Pause for a minute and think on that.

Am I the only one making the connection between this message and my blog post?

My stress about high school is all about the world's expectations. I think that's natural, though. For the first time, our home school is held up to a standard - in an area where those standards have been plastered all over the news for the last 6 months or so. Austin has special needs and would certainly have an IEP in school, I suspect. But I'm really not familiar enough with 'the system' to understand how that would apply to our situation. And now that he has tested "in the normal range" I feel like I am really at a loss.

But maybe this morning's sermon is a reminder not to FOCUS on the world's expectations. Teach Austin. Teach Riley. Teach Reece. God gave them to me (us) for this purpose. Going by the world's expectations I brought a child from the low range to the average range in 5 school years, so I must be doing something right. But that isn't my true purpose - to look good on tests and get good SAT scores and get into colleges. That isn't the entire meaning for our home school.

My purpose is to raise a young man and two young women to fulfill their God-given purpose in life. They need to have an academic education, to be sure, but they also need to have a deep, strong relationship with their Heavenly Father. They need to know that there is a purpose for their lives, and that they can trust and depend on God to take care of them. Worldly things will come and go. Standards will change with the whims of the generations. But a person who has a strong character and work ethic, who cares about other people and the world around him, and who has a strong applied faith - that's the sort of person that I want to be able to raise.

Ugh, there is that "I" part again. It's so easy to make it about me. If my kids are successful, it sure would make me look good, wouldn't it? I shudder to think that this is where my true problem lies - in my own vanity. I do truly in my heart want my children to have whatever future they want to have. And I do not want it to be that they cannot do something they want to do because I did not properly prepare them. But this really should not be about me "looking good" to others. And I pray that my apprehension when it comes to high school is NOT related to that. It IS a huge responsibility - but to God and to my children. It's not about me.

Maybe if I fix my eyes on Jesus, I can walk on water, too?

One day I will look back on all of this and laugh, right?

2011-06-12T09:18:00.003-04:00

I wish I could convey how completed freaked out I am about homeschooling high school. It's gone completely beyond the "Oh, here goes Niffercoo flipping out about education plans again - must be June" to "I think Niffercoo might seriously be having a break down about high school."

I think it all came to a climax yesterday when I threw myself face-down onto the bed and started to sob. My poor husband just patted me on the back.

The "plan" that I came up with last week (and proudly announced on Facebook) is simply not doable with the the number of children I have who need individual instruction. Austin is actually going to need MORE of my attention this year, especially at the beginning of the year. I'm sad to say that I have really not required as much from him as I should have in the last few years. This past year was better, but my expectations for output (oral or written) have been lax. I'm seeing the results of this poor execution now. So we have some back-tracking to do to make sure some skills are in place. He despises oral narration because his expressive language delays make it hard to get OUT what is inside his head, and it's frustrating for him. Because I don't like to see him frustrated, I haven't worked enough in the ZPD (getting him to the edge of his competency where LEARNING takes place) - and this has been a mistake. I can see myself doing this same thing with Reece already, so as usual, she will benefit from my mistakes with her brother! ;) I will be requiring much more in the way of narration from ALL of the kids this coming school year.

I'm going to regroup this week and think in terms of the practical - what can I manage to do, and do it well. I do think we'll be returning to the Ancients for our history and literature, even though I really don't want to. I feel like we've "been there, done that" because we started and stopped ancients so much, but I don't think the kids will feel that way. In fact, Reece was only 6 when we did ancients last (and we flew through it, only spending half a year on all of ancient history), so I'm not sure she remembers much at all (aside from the stuff she's picked up from Percy Jackson and the Kane Chronicles! LOL).

I'll really be glad when I have a plan I can live with!

I'm baaack!

2011-06-06T15:52:00.004-04:00

My two week mental break has come and gone. Actually, it ended up being more like a three week mental break, because last week my mental energy went to preparing for my first triathlon. But that is behind me now, and today I begin to refocus on our education plans for 2011-2012.

This will be our 10th year of home education, and I will find myself with a 9th grader with special needs; a 7th grader in the midst of puberty; and a 4th grader with special needs. The mere fact that I can type out that previous sentence proves that I have made at least one education decision already - we ARE going to homeschool in 2011-2012. For the first time since 2002, I found myself seriously considering placing everyone into public school (we cannot afford private school). So, since that foundational decision is made, it's time to move on to the next step.

What are we going to study next year?

I. don't. know!! ;)

I wish that were an acceptable answer! LOL Unfortunately, it isn't.

My goal for this week is to come up with an acceptable answer to that question! Of course, I'll keep you posted!

A Charlotte Mason quote to guide me

2011-05-30T12:47:00.002-04:00

In my friend Tammy's blog post today, she gave me a quote that I think I will tape to the top of my notebook and laptop as I prepare to plan for Austin's high school education. It comes from Charlotte Mason's third volume, School Education, page 170:

"The question is not,––how much does the youth know? when he has finished his education––but how much does he care?"

Thanks, Tammy! :)

Summer break!!

2011-05-16T09:23:00.003-04:00

Last day of lessons treat - Bruster's Ice Cream!!

Last Friday, the Black Pearl academy wrapped up the third trimester of lessons and today is officially the first day of our summer break! As I type this it is 9:24 AM and none of the children are out of bed yet! LOL I am glad they are getting to rest and relax, and it feels good for me, too (though I did get up to run this morning but an hour later than usual and I didn't have to rush over to the pool so we could get over to glee club by 11:00!).

I promised my husband (and myself) that I would not think about anything relating to home school for 2 full weeks. Well, actually, he wanted me to take much longer than that, but I do have to make decisions about next school year and order materials! LOL But for the next 2 weeks I am going to try to be "mom" and enjoy my kids. Actually, I'm really hoping to do more of that this whole summer. This school year was really challenging and I found myself so drained at the end of every day that I didn't have any energy left to be "mom". And I found myself wishing they were in school so I could be the fun mom they come home to and we could all enjoy being around each other again. But there has to be a way to realize that without sending them away all day.

This week will not be conducive to making that happen, however! LOL It's that crazy week each school year where all of the activities culminate in dance recitals and end of the year concerts and stuff. This year all of the activities are going right up to the recital because we lost a week due to the snow storms in January. Also this week, Blue October is in concert in town and I certainly can't miss that! And finally, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is premiering and I can't miss that, either! And it's also the peak training week for the triathlon! So, you can see, we'll be running around like crazy! But next week we'll start to settle into a nice relaxing summer.

We will still do Sun and Fun for 4 weeks this year - from the middle of June until the middle of July. Our lessons will resume in early August to make way for the guys fishing trip in early September and the girls Disney trip in late September! :)

So you see how badly I need these weeks of rest and mental relaxation?? As much as I would like to get a head start on planning, I really need to live life outside of school for a few weeks. So no visits to the Well-Trained Mind boards, or to the Ambleside yahoo groups, or to SimplyCharlotteMason.com! Just time to be a regular mom!! :)

Eye-opening

2011-05-11T14:09:00.000-04:00

In our state, we are required to test our children every 3 years, beginning at the end of 3rd grade. Since Riley is a 6th grader this year, that means it's her turn to test. I have always tested my children at home using the ITBS. Since I have a college degree, I am able to be an official tester through Bob Jones University. However, the last time I tested Riley (which was in 4th grade since I was testing Austin already and figured I would do them both at the same time), we had a really difficult time of it. She argued with me and questioned every instruction that came out of my mouth. Since she has only gotten more argumentative with age, I decided that this year we would take advantage of the many group testing opportunities available in our area. Besides, I think it's a good idea to have experience testing in a group, since the higher stakes high school tests (PSAT/SAT/ACT) are all done in group settings.

When Riley learned of my intention, she was extremely upset and resistant. I knew that she would be fine once she got through the first day, or even the first section. It was the fear of the unknown that was getting to her. Also, she has been very upset about our lack of following a "traditional curriculum" and she feels she is behind because of this. It's been a source of strife between the two of us for the entire school year. I purchased a test prep book for her to use for the first time, in the hopes that having familiarity with the test procedures would reduce her anxiety. Instead, it made it worse, especially with science and social studies because we don't follow the public school scope and sequence. Oh well, I tried, right?

Today was the first day of testing. I decided to volunteer to be a test helper, in case Riley's anxiety was overwhelming. I thought my presence in the building (even though I wouldn't be in the same room) could be reassuring. Thankfully, she didn't seem at all nervous this morning, like I was afraid she was going to be. I saw her at the first outdoor break and she had made a friend and they sat as far away from me as possible while still staying on the property. On the way home I asked how it was going and she said that the test was "not easy, but not too hard" so I think that's a good sign. I asked if she thought testing in a group was more fun than testing alone at home and she said, "NO!" but I honestly don't think she would admit that to me after all of the drama she made of it before! ;)

OK, can you believe I haven't even come to the eye-opening part?? I'm going to get to that right now!

The testing lady put me in with the 3rd graders. She had the kids divided into 3 groups: 3rd graders (the youngest age that she offers testing for), 4th-8th, and high school. Since I have a child working in the 4th-8th grade room, she placed me with the group of five 3rd graders. They are all very sweet, and as the day went on, they grew very talkative! All I did was keep track of the time for each section, and answered any questions the kids had. I did not administer this test - that was the testing lady's job. Mostly I sat and read.

And I watched. Reece is a 3rd grader this year, and her testing will come next month. I watched these kids and I tried to picture Reece in this same situation. Unfortunately, I came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to handle it. Even playing games out on the grass during our break times would have been overwhelming for her.

Academically, the test is way too hard, but I know that already. She's very behind, but she is making progress on her own schedule. That's one reason I despise the requirement for standardized testing. It's not going to tell me anything I don't already know. She's behind for her age/grade. DUH! The testing itself is going to be stressful because it's going to be full of stuff that she doesn't know how to do! And she's smart enough to know THAT! And smart enough to be upset when she's faced with a test that is determined to find out how much she doesn't know. Lots of wonderfully negative episodic memories! @@

I am trying to remember my determination to trust in God, and not let what I experienced today get the better of me. It's so hard, though. Every single time we leave the house these days, Reece has a meltdown. Her last soccer game was on Sunday, and her helper wasn't there, and she sobbed bitterly the whole time. "Soccer isn't worth playing if Sara isn't here!!" After 45 minutes, we decided to call it a day and go home. She didn't want to leave, so she calmed down. Just in time for it to end early so they could give out end of the season awards. Yesterday at Riley's ballet class, I took math games to keep us busy, and she had a meltdown because the game didn't go the way she wanted it to go. I took her out to the car until she could get control over herself. It might not be the best way to handle it, or the "RDI" way to handle it, but she has simply got to learn that she can't scream and cry when she doesn't like what is happening around her. If she's developmentally around 3-4, then that's what I would do with a 3-4 year old who was having a temper tantrum. We would leave the place until she got control of herself.

It's just so hard. I don't think it's been this hard since she was actually 3-4 years old. I never used to take her out of the house back then. And that's how I feel about things right now. I'd just rather stay home (or leave her home) than deal with the meltdowns. I don't remember it being this bad with Austin. But then again, that was a long time ago so maybe I'm just not remembering. And they are different kids. She's had a lot further to go than he did.

So I will write all of this out, and then I will make myself forget about it. I will push it aside and remember that God works all things for the good of those who love Him. And He has a plan for her life. And I will pray yet again that the meltdowns will cease because I honestly just need a break from it! :)

Another Autism Anniversary

2011-05-05T14:07:00.002-04:00

As the end of our school year approaches (NEXT FRIDAY!! WOOOHOOOOO!!!), I am finding myself with a bit more time on my hands as some of the subjects we are completing fall off our schedules. I'm not sure if anyone reads here regularly anymore since I've been so hit and miss with posting.

May 2nd marked the 5th anniversary of Austin's Asperger's diagnosis. I wrote a series of posts back in September when we hit our 5th anniversary of Reece's diagnosis, but I'm not sure I ever got around to talking about this particular year of autism for our family. Austin's ankle surgery took over precedence, and honestly ushered in some of the most challenging months I have ever faced as a parent.

I don't recall if I mentioned before but his surgery coincided with the end of the weaning process from his seizure medication. So he was physically restricted (when his main method of self-regulation involved movement), he was not able to play the drums or baseball (his two favorite activities), and his brain was adjusting to the removal of some powerful medication. It was awful, and he was aware of all of it. I truly believe, looking back, that he sunk into a depression. He talked suicide several times.

You know, I need to stop for a moment - this is such a hard age to try to write a blog about your child. He will be 15 in less than 2 months, and I know he would hate it if he knew I were talking about these sorts of things. But I do try to explain to him that the reason I share these things is to let other people know they aren't alone in their struggles with autism/epilepsy/home schooling. And I want people to know how brave and strong Austin is!! He is downright embarrassed and ashamed about his Aspergers/ASD diagnosis, and that pains me so much. Not that I want him to embrace ASD as his identity, because he is so much more than the sum of his diagnosable behaviors. He is an incredible child of God who has a place in this world if he will be strong enough to work as hard as he will have to work to achieve it. I know in my heart that God took him down that path to show him that he is stronger than he ever thought he was. I hope Austin can see that one day. And I hope he can learn to accept himself for all of his strengths, weaknesses, and quirks. My prayer is that much of this embarrassment is typical teen angsty stuff and that he will come through the other side of it with a new perspective on himself.

I had decided to seek professional help for Austin if I didn't see marked improvement once he was mobile again. Thankfully, that was exactly what happened. Austin had joined a band towards the end of that time, and I credit that with helping him come back to a better state of mental health.

The last few months of this fifth year of autism have been spent dealing with completely non-autism-related stress. My middle child - 12 year old Riley - has been exhibiting some pretty overwhelming behaviors. I've learned in the last 2 months that it possibly could be related to puberty, and I read a wonderful book called Strong Willed Child, or Dreamer? which I mentioned last month. However, things seem to be getting worse instead of better, and I have placed a call to the kids' developmental specialist to see if he can give me some suggestions on who might be able to help us. I can't help but feel a sense of shame and responsibility - she has always been a challenging child, but I spent the first few years of her life dealing with Austin's behaviors. And then I spent the next few years of her life dealing with Reece's behaviors. I guess I didn't spend enough time dealing with HER behaviors, and now they are out of control. I'm looking forward to getting that phone call back from the doctor's office and see what they recommend we do.

As I mentioned earlier, our last day of school is next Friday. Then we will take a month off completely before we begin Sun and Fun. In that month, it is my goal to work on our relationships as a family and between the siblings. I really want to enjoy my kids again - not being teacher and taskmaster, but as being mom.

Because if it's one thing that autism has taught me, is that it's ALL about the relationship!! :)

The day that God hit me in the head with a CD

2011-05-01T17:35:00.002-04:00

How often have I complained about not hearing from God? How often have I joked about wanting Him to email me or text me or even send me a Facebook message with clear instructions for my life (homeschooling/autism/spiritual journey)? Well, imagine my surprise when He hit me in the head this morning with a CD!

The last few weeks, if you haven't been able to figure it out, have been dreadful. Awful. Horrible. I could add many additional adjectives, but I'm sure you get the point. I have been regretting ever starting homeschooling. I have been questioning every decision I ever made in my parenting, and in my life. It's been a deep, dark valley. And it seemed that there was no way out.

This morning I was getting ready for church and I was very tired. Reece hasn't been sleeping well, and I've been getting up very early for my triathlon training. And that's not even taking into consideration how tired the tri training has made me. I wanted to wear a necklace for a change and was looking for my one lone necklace in my dresser. I looked all over but couldn't find it anywhere. As I turned around to finish getting ready, something hit me in the head.

It was a CD in a paper case and it was absolutely covered in dust. I'm not sure where it has been all this time, but it was filthy. The title was "High School: You Can Do It!" and it was a CD of a lecture from the GHEA homeschool convention back in 2009. The speaker just so happened to be the same person who did Austin's testing back in the winter. I took her "Homeschooling High School" seminar last spring, but I had never listened to this CD after I bought it.

When I got home from church, I ripped the CD onto my mp3 player and listened right away - because, quite honestly, I'm not going to ignore the fact that I got whacked in the face by a CD that has obviously been so easily hidden on my dresser. It was GREAT! An hour of encouragement and information (but not details because any time I try to get into details lately it's created a panic in me). From there, I looked on my mp3 player and found Sonya Shafer's Looking Past the Fear seminar that I had downloaded from Simply Charlotte Mason. I immediately listened to that one as well.

The results were immediate. My heart hasn't been this light in ages! The answer is clear. In my own power, in my own strength, I continue to falter. I continue to panic. The only way I'm going to be able to continue on - and I've honestly been wondering if God was calling me to stop homeschooling - is to keep my eyes on God. And when I feel the panic creep in - because I am feeling incompetent (Hello lessons from RDI) - I have to refocus on Him. Again. And Again. And Again. Until it becomes the FIRST reaction.

"Believing, then, is directing the heart's attention to Jesus." p. 90 (The Pursuit of God, A.W. Tozer)

"The man who has struggled to purify himself and has had nothing but repeated failures will experience real relief when he stops tinkering with his soul and looks away to the perfect One." p. 91, The Pursuit of God

Wordsmith

2011-04-28T20:34:00.002-04:00

Last summer I picked up an older version of the Wordsmith writing program for $5 (and that was the teacher book and 2 unused student workbooks). I figured for that price, I might as well give it a shot. I'd planned to take it slowly, which is good, because we got a late start on it. But so far, it seems to be working well for Austin.

The book features exercises that work with words, which has been very helpful for Austin. For some reason, his spoken vocabulary is better than his written vocabulary. His writing style is immature, to say the least. Couple that with horrendous spelling and writing that has gone downhill for the last 4 years, and it's not a pretty picture.

But, so far, it's been successful for Austin. We're in the "word play" section which means he has been knee deep in a thesaurus, which is excellent for a kid with a limited written vocabulary. And so far he has written 2 paragraphs, both of which we have edited together and then I had him type for a final assignment. Yesterday, he was actually excited about the writing assignment which was to use interesting, meaningful adjectives to write a restaurant review. We had just been to Pizza Hut on Monday, so he decided to use that experience (however he did attempt to convince me to take him out for lunch so he could have a 'fresh' experience to draw from! LOL).
He was excited to write... that in itself was worth the $5.

Today we edited. I asked him to go through the paper and underline any word that he was unsure if he spelled correctly. He got every single misspelling, which shows me that he is aware of what he cannot spell, so that is good. Since this was a writing lesson and not a spelling lesson, I wrote the correct spelling under the incorrect ones and put a check mark under the couple that he had misidentified as incorrect. Then I asked him about his opening sentence which was unclear (and wasn't actually a sentence at all) and we reworked it. Then I suggested that we wrap up the paragraph with some sort of closing. And off he went to type it out - reluctantly, being the only teenager in the 21st century world who doesn't like to type. @@

He looked at the typed out version and sort of shrugged. "I bet Reece could write something better."

"Doesn't matter," I replied. "You are you. She is Reece. You write differently than she does. And the other thing that matters is that you are getting better in your writing, which you are. I think this is the most mature, varied, and interesting paragraph that you have written so far!"

And I meant that. His first paragraph for Wordsmith was 1 long, run-on sentence. This one still had a few clumsy sentences but that will be covered later in Wordsmith. I personally believe that the clumsy/run-on sentences come from a brain that wishes to convey the sort of sentence structure he reads every day in his lessons but that gets tripped up in the language processing disorder.

I'm hoping to finish Wordsmith with Austin next year so we can move into Teaching the Essay by the Analytical Grammar folks. Writing will really require our focus in high school!

Cross Post: Lessons from Hills

2011-04-24T19:17:00.002-04:00

The following is cross-posted from my Running Blog. I felt that it is as applicable here as it is there.

I have spent the last couple of months meandering my way through Mile Markers: The 26.2 Most Important Reasons Why Women Run. The book is set up perfectly for picking it up and reading a chapter or two whenever I can squeeze them in. And since it's a Kindle Book, and I always have my Kindle with me, I can do that fairly often.

Today I read Chapter 18, Hills. I have been looking forward to this chapter and purposely put the book down yesterday when I knew this chapter was coming next. I wanted to read it with a fresh brain (or at least as fresh as I can have on Easter Sunday when I would be getting up before dawn to get a bike ride in before church). And you see, the reason I wanted to read it with a fresh mind is because hills are my nemesis. And living in Atlanta, Georgia, this poses a problem.

There are few areas that could be considered "flat" where I live. So there are natural hills rolling throughout any training plan that I take on. But there are hills, like in my neighborhood and the local park where I like run, and then there are HILLS, such as the affectionately nicknamed Cardiac Hill at the Peachtree Road Race. I have been intimidated by hills of all sizes since I first began running. I was looking forward to some advice from Kristin Armstrong on how to deal with those hills in my running program.

However, as she has done through the previous chapters in this book, Ms. Armstrong extends the concepts of battling hills from the running world into the realm of our everyday hills - challenges that we all face, be it a cancer diagnosis, a divorce, a job loss, or in my personal situation, an autism diagnosis and/or epilepsy diagnosis. I used the 'notes' feature on my Kindle to highlight this passage:

"The incline ahead is steep and unyielding. So how do we prepare? Running hills gives us some clues. First, we relax - which is hard to do but essential. We cannot make any assessments in a state of panic. Then we remind ourselves and each other that we have strength for climbing. Then we breathe; ideally, we breathe deeply. Then we begin." (p. 191)

I cannot begin to describe how much I was touched when reading this. You see, our family has been living through an immense amount of stress for the last year. I won't go into all of the details here, not only because it would take forever, but also because I don't care to relive each episode. Trust me when I say that it feels like our family has been facing one steep hill after another with very few level stretches to allow us to catch our breaths and regroup. We have been living in the 'state of panic' that Ms. Armstrong mentions, and that makes for some rough times. And I start to feel like giving in, and letting that hill beat me. I feel like I'm running this race all by myself.

A few sentences later, Ms. Armstrong continues:

"We lift our legs and pump our arms and go at our own pace. This is incredibly important. It's so easy to lose heart on a hill when we compare ourselves to those around us. We waste energy by taking our focus off the goal, which is of course going through the hill to the finish, not to it." (p. 191)

Imagine a little light bulb going off in my head. So much of the stress and discouragement during this "hilly" period for our family has been heightened by the feeling that we are not measuring up to others around us. I have fought hard not to do this in my running, I wonder why I would allow myself to do it in the other aspects of my life. Nobody else is running my race. They don't have to - they are running their own races, with their own hills to tackle. I need to run my race, and tackle the hills in my life the same way I tackle them on the trail: "low and slow". When I come to a challenging hill, I put my head down, keep my feet low to the ground to conserve energy, and slow down as much as I need to to manage the climb. If I can apply this technique to the other hills in my life, perhaps they won't seem so daunting.

The other light bulb was the last sentence, about getting through the hill to the finish - not just getting TO it. For me, this meant keeping the understanding in my heart that these hills are not the end point, but only a temporary challenge in the everyday course of life. She points out that the smaller hills are practice for the bigger ones, and the more you practice the fitter you become and the less you fear. This called to mind my Bible verse of the year:

"Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." (James 1:2-4 NLT)

So the trouble (hills) is an opportunity for testing, for my endurance to grow (just like in running)? I need to embrace the hills? The parallels between my verse and the following quote from Mile Markers are beautifully clear:

"When we practice enough by running hills, we develop our own rhythms and strategies. The same with life's hills: The smaller ones make us fit for the biggies, and we can maintain our same rhythm. The more we practice, the fitter we become and the less we fear." (p. 192)

I have often said that running has changed me fundamentally. I realize that I am stronger physically than I ever believed I could be. I have made goals and reached them faster than I could have imagined. When I started out running, I wanted to run 3.1 miles without stopping. Then I wanted to run 13.1 miles. And now I have a triathlon and full marathon looming on my horizon. I am strong. Some days it's really easy and some days it's downright awful (like yesterday). So why is is that when it's a rough day out on the road I don't get despondent like I do when it's a rough day with the kids? When autism (or puberty) is the hill du jour and stands before me like a monster why do I want to give up so easily and feel that all is hopeless? Why is it so hard to take the lessons that I have learned from running and apply them to other areas of my life? Why can I remember that God has gotten me through some massive hills before but I fail to trust that He will get me through the next one as we push forward to the finish?

The answer is that there is no reason aside from my foolish pride and stubbornness. I seem to be able to tame those beasts out on the road (more or less). It's time to get a clue and apply those hard-earned, sweat-filled lessons to the other hills that I face!

We're almost there!

2011-04-22T21:43:00.002-04:00

We have just 3 weeks until the end of our school year! For the first time - EVER - we are on target to finish up in May! In fact, Reece has already wrapped up history, and she will be finishing literature next week. She has 2 more books to read, and geography and science. (Skill subjects like math and writing aren't "finished" as I just move on to the next book whenever she finishes one up.)

I'm really pleased with how well we have managed to stay on track this year, though I have to admit that Austin's broken foot had a large part in that. Since he couldn't get around, we didn't go on any field trips, which meant we stayed home and did our lessons! LOL

As I mentioned in my last post, we all have a great deal of spring fever going on... but seeing those assignment sheets and knowing we're nearing the end helps all of us to keep pressing forward!

And I've decided to put off planning for next year until I have a clear mind and some mental space available to really think clearly. I believe that if I try to do too much in the way of planning right now I will end up making poor decisions. So I will refocus in late May! :) Or maybe early June, after my triathlon!

Yes, I'm still here!

2011-04-19T08:43:00.004-04:00

Have you noticed a pattern with my blog? When I'm feeling incompetent and stressed I tend to post less?? LOL

High School continues to weigh heavily on my mind.

We are wrapping up the end of our school year and I'm reflecting on all that we accomplished and the things I wish we had done better with - unfortunately, it always seems to be the things that are the most important, like narration!! @@ I hate it when that happens!!

I think we're all pretty well burned out on this year. Reece starts every day by telling me how much she hates school and how she wishes she never had to do it. That absolutely break my heart. To those who might suggest a break... we just had spring break the week before last! LOL

We will have a month off (from the middle of may to the middle of June) before we start our Sun and Fun this year. I am going to use that time to finalize my decisions and purchase curriculum so I can take the middle of June-middle of July off before my planning period comes at the end of July! I think my brain could really use some downtime this year.

Thank You Notes

2011-04-07T22:36:00.003-04:00

I was raised to hand write thank you notes for my birthday and Christmas gifts, and I'm raising my kids to do the same. I remember it being sheer torture and I gave my mother unending grief about it. My kids don't seem to have the same issues. I tend to think it's because they are home educated and they see "write thank you note" on their assignment sheet and don't think twice about it!

I've gradually increased the amount of original writing for Reece over the years. She started off by tracing "Thank You" and writing her name , then by writing "Thank You" and her name, and finally last year she wrote the "Dear _______", "Thank You", and her name. This year I wanted to see what she could come up with on her own, and boy was I in for a surprise!

The first note she wrote was to my Uncle Bob. She has really taken to him, though she's only ever met him once when she was a baby so she has no memories of him. He sent her a rock this past summer that he found in Oklahoma and she has affectionately named it, "Bob the Rock." He is a retired police officer and detective, as well, and she thinks that is totally cool.

I stayed in the room to help her spell unfamiliar words but I wanted to see what she was going to write. She wrote "Dear Uncle Bob" and "Thank you for the money. I bought ice skates. Love Reece". Then at the end she put "P.S. I hope we can meet together some day." I prompted her to add commas after the greeting and salutation, but that was as much help as I gave. (BTW, he was very touched by her letter, as you can imagine).

Over the next several days she wrote other letters like this. She remembered to include the commas in the rest of the letters. PLUS, one day she wrote that she was going to buy "art supplies, candy, and Coke." At first she had only written, "art supplies and candy" but she decided to add the "Coke" because she thought it would be funny. So she paused and said, "I need to erase that 'and' and put one of those little periods with the tail (comma), and THEN put a another one of those little periods with a tail (comma), and THEN put the and before I write "Coke". Yes!!! You sure do!! Isn't that cool??

Then on another letter, she wrote that she was going to buy a "maxi dress". She added, in parentheses, (a maxi dress is a dress that goes all the way down to your ankles). She wasn't sure that Great Grandpa would know what a maxi dress was - and she was correct! Plus, she used parentheses!!!

She has not yet had formal writing lessons as we would typically think of it. Yet, she has done writing - through extensive copywork, and we are just starting some studied dictation (but not very much yet). But through our copywork, we have discussed using commas in a series, and using parentheses, and so on. And now, through writing thank you notes - a real life use for writing - she has learned that we need to put a comma (period with a tail LOL) after the greeting and closing!

It was thrilling to experience!

The Middle One

2011-04-03T20:51:00.002-04:00

I don't think I often mention my middle child very often on my blog. I don't purposely intend to leave her out, but with her being "typically developing" I don't often feel that our experiences are very applicable to a blog about home education with special needs/autistic children.

I have always laughingly said that Riley is "typically developing, but anything but typical" or maybe that she suffers from "middle child syndrome". But lately, in the last year or so, something else seems to have been going on. I do know that it's partially related to puberty - she just turned 12 and puberty has hit us full on. But there has consistently been a sense that something is different. I have learned not to ignore that voice, but in my attempts to research, I've always come up short.

I thought for awhile that she had a raging case of ADHD. Or perhaps that she has a shadow of the Autism Spectrum. Both of these could be true, but recently a friend mentioned a book that she thought would help: Strong Willed Child, or Dreamer? I purchased it for my Kindle and I have been slowly working my way through the book. It has been eye-opening, to say the least.

I think it's fairly safe to say that Riley is a dreamer (As an aside, the evaluator who tested Austin gave me a survey to fill out based upon this book and identified Austin as a "diplomat", which so totally fits. I believe that I would be labeled as a "driver" LOL). I have not only highlighted passages throughout the book that seem to describe her to a T, but I find myself reading them out loud to my DH (We are both struggling mightily with Riley).

I have to admit that I read the book wanting ANSWERS. Just like I seem to do for everything. I'd like a "10 Easy Steps to _______" (and you can fill in the blank with "Homeschooling Austin and Making Sure He Gets Into College", or "Getting Riley to Stop Arguing All the Time", and even, "Being a Good Christian". Unfortunately, I'm learning the hard way that there are no true lists like that for anything worthwhile in this life. ) The author even warns that Doers will be wanting to jump in and fix their Dreamer, but that cannot be your goal. I'm sure that caution was meant for me!

There are many things I could comment on but what prompted me to blog this evening - after I had shut down my computer for the night - was Chapter 9, which deals with Dreamers in school. I nearly skipped this chapter believing that it wasn't applicable to our situation. But I'm glad I didn't. Dreamers are described as being global learners, learning best from whole to parts, not responding well to linear, input-output modes of education. When I read this I had to push back the feelings of frustration bordering on failure - I'm such a linear, input-output thinker. Am I doomed to never understand my daughter? Am I doomed to never provide the type of education she needs to remain engaged? Have I mentioned that she is the only one in our family who will not get Spring Break this week because she failed to complete her work? She still has math to finish.

My hopes rose a little bit when the author describes that, while Dreamers don't typically do well in our American education system, they usually do well in a British-Classical Education model of reading classic and modern books and developing their own ideas on the subject matter. "Hmmm," I thought, "That's what we've been doing the last few years.... perhaps we are on the right path."

Then a few turns of the page... er, clicks of the button on my Kindle... later and I see the subject heading of Home School for Dreamers. It is a small section, to be sure, but I was pleasantly surprised to find this paragraph, "In her book For the Children's Sake, Susan Schaffer Macauley outlines her philosophy of education based on the work of educator Charlotte Mason. Read this book and/or others on home schooling before undertaking this option. You need to have a clear philosophy of education before you embark into teaching. Although home schooling is not appropriate for every child or every family, it is an option that allows for the individualized approach a Dreamer needs. If you try home schooling, make sure that you are teaching in the way he can really hear."

I was absolutely floored to see Charlotte Mason recommended in this mainstream book! I myself had never heard of Charlotte Mason until I started home schooling. She was not discussed in any of my education courses in college! Despite being 4 years into following Charlotte Mason's approach to education, I am still such a baby. But I see the most fruit in the one child who has been wholly educated in this way - Reece. I'll have to save that for another post this coming week, but the strengths of a CM education were very evident in watching her compose her birthday thank you notes.

I do not believe in coincidences, so I will take the mention of CM in this book to be a confirmation that continuing with CM methods and reading this book for help in understanding Riley is this the correct path to be following, even though it is challenging for me personally. Remembering as well that I first learned about CM through learning more about our RDI therapy, there is no way that one thread flows through everything in our lives by mere happenstance.

Even though the struggles with autism, and epilepsy, and preteen dreamers has left me confused and exhausted and frustrated and overwhelmed, it is evident that God is guiding our steps towards the way He wants us to raise and educate our children. I can only hope and pray that I am able to adjust, adapt, and implement these methods before they are all grown up! :)

Charlotte Mason for High School?

2011-03-28T22:00:00.002-04:00

Can anyone tell me which volume would give me the most pertinent information about the high school years (or equivalent in CM's time/place)? I am really trying to keep my CM goals in mind while I am thinking about high school - it's so easy to stray, but I'm really trying to continue to follow the philosophy that has served us so well. But I need to know what to read to figure out what the underlying principles that will be guiding us.

Average

2011-03-27T19:22:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday, I met with the evaluator who performed Austin's cognitive and achievement testing last month. The purpose of this evaluation was to continue the paper trail that we began 5 years ago with neuropsych testing, and to see how far he has come.

I was utterly unprepared for the results.

Average - basically across the board. One higher, 2 lower, but basically - Average.

Why is this significant?

Because 5 years ago, the results were quite different. The results were "low average". One was average. Several were lower than low average.

But now we're looking at average. The evaluator not only thinks that Austin is capable of completing a regular high school curriculum, with enough effort. She thinks he is capable of going to college, in some shape or form.

This is a really good thing!

But now I feel like I'm starting from Square One. The things I had had in mind to use for next year no long seem like "enough". I know the math isn't "enough" because she told me it isn't. She wants me pursue a more traditional math curriculum than the Key To... program. I am going to use the Key To Algebra over the summer and into the fall as a Pre-Algebra program, as a friend of mine did this with her son and he said it was very valuable.

One measure of comfort does come from the fact that the evaluator told me that what I've been doing with Austin is working well. I think I'd like her to tattoo that to my forehead! But she also recommended the My Father's World high school program, if I would like something all laid out for me.

Lots of decisions to make now. For my perfectly average kid! ;)

Finally, a RightStart complaint!

2011-03-17T19:13:00.002-04:00

Lest you begin to think I'm being paid for all of my RightStart praise (though I wouldn't mind a free copy of Geometry for Riley next year LOL), I did find something that I do not like about Level B.

Today was the last lesson, and it involved giving the End of the Year test. I was shocked to find that it was 4 pages long! This from a curriculum that rarely had a worksheet, and when it did, had very few problems on it... it was shocking. I decided quickly to take 2 days to complete the test.

Then, I was disappointed to see that many concepts were covered on the test that had not been reviewed in many, many lessons!! Also, there was one problem that has NEVER been covered. I'm not sure if the problem was a typo, because if it had been worded differently we could have easily solved it. But I was proud of how Reece handled it. She got as far as she could - she put all the information in the right places (this was a Part-Whole circle problem). But the problem was going to require her to subtract 39 from 87. We have barely subtracted at ALL, and certainly not problems that complex. If she had been required to ADD those two numbers, then she could have completed it.

It's not a big deal though... the test isn't a big deal to me in the grand scheme of things. And I was pleased to see how well Reece has done despite the lack of review on some of the topics. I guess we will be starting Level C on Monday!!

Rock ON!

2011-03-17T08:40:00.003-04:00

Austin's band had another gig the weekend before last, at the same venue. My mom paid for a professional photographer to come and take some good pictures, since she couldn't be there. The pictures turned out fantastic! I thought I'd share a few here:

The guys have 2 more gigs on the books for April, including a Battle of the Bands! They are currently working on their "summer tour schedule" which includes the metro Atlanta area (since none of them can drive on their own yet! LOL). Austin is getting a lot of good feedback on his drumming ability, and he's getting some experience in dealing with being out around lots of people. We're seeing a renewed sense of confidence, and he is wanting to get out more often - he even went to church last night which is something he hasn't done this school year, since Riley joined the youth group. My husband said he saw them actually hanging out together, along with other kids from the youth group who were waiting for their parents to finish up praise band practice!

Baseball practice also resumed last weekend, and Austin has a way to go in his recovery. Thankfully, by the time boys are his age, if they are really good players... they are turning to the JV programs at the high schools. So the boys who are left in rec ball are the ones who may not be so good, but who really enjoy playing baseball for its own sake. I hope that means there won't be so much pressure on him this season. As for me, I'm not sure I can watch a game at all anymore - when they leave for the field I am a nervous wreck until they get home and I see that he's not injured. :(

Spring is springing here in Georgia, and the busiest time of our year has commenced!

Ice Skating

2011-03-16T18:30:00.003-04:00

For Reece's 9th birthday, I asked her what she wanted for her present. She said she wanted to go ice skating. Well, that wasn't exactly the answer I was expecting or hoping for. I tried to talk her out of it several times to no avail. The girl wanted to go ice skating.

I didn't want to take Riley with us, either, because Reece is having a real challenge with feeling inept especially with performance-based situations. Riley has been ice skating a few times and she usually picks up things easily, so I was afraid that it would be a problem. Unfortunately, Reece really wanted Riley to come along with us.

We got to the arena, rented skates, and got on the ice. Riley took off. Reece clung to the wall and dragged herself along. She was slipping and she was not having a good time. Then she started clinging one hand to the wall and one hand to me, getting me to hold her up. About this time, a tiny little girl who was obviously still in diapers, came out onto the ice and started skating and spinning around! She was wearing a tutu, which didn't help matters. Reece was UPSET, with a capital U. She wanted to go HOME. She hated ice skating and she wanted to go home NOW.

I told her that we were going to stay through the session because I had paid a lot of money for it, and I knew that she could skate if she would keep at it. We had only been on the ice for 15 minutes. I didn't really know how to help her learn to skate, but I watched a teacher giving a lesson and attempted to do what she was doing. I made Reece let go of the wall and just get her balance on the ice. Once she could do this, I encouraged her to try to take a few steps.

I just have this one picture because I actually forgot my camera at home - this was taken with my cell phone. But as you can see, she is doing it! By the end of the first hour of the session she was moving around on her own. By the end of the second hour, she was really moving around. She had also met two girls who were there celebrating one of the girls' birthdays... a year younger than Reece exactly.

So now I have a 9 year old girl who learned that she could do things if she didn't give up. I hope that I will soon have a girl who can see other people excel at things without feeling like she is a failure herself. I don't know if that's developmental... if it's an autism thing... personality, whatever. It's making life very challenging right now! Every single time we leave the house, we have a meltdown. So the sooner we can get through this, the better!

I also have a 9 year old girl who will be taking group homeschool skating lessons beginning this Friday! She ordered her own ice skates over the weekend and I am praying that they will arrive in time! I am nervous about the skate lessons, and especially about them being group lessons, for the aforementioned troubles we have been having. But Reece is very anxious to get out and try new things. So I'm going to let her give it a shot!

First Soccer Game

2011-03-14T08:06:00.003-04:00

Reece has been wanting to play soccer for a very long time now, but there wasn't a program available in our area where I felt she could be successful. A traditional program would be too competitive and chaotic for her. Sports are very competitive in our area, even for young children. But the local soccer club announced they were going to offer a program for special needs kids this spring and I jumped at the chance. On top of being close to our home, it was also going to be extremely inexpensive! Reece would have the chance to play soccer!

Yesterday was the first day. The schedule was to include 30 minutes of drills, 30 minutes of scrimmage, and 15 minutes of penalty kicks. We arrived a little early and Reece played around with her new ball! (And I played around with the "sports" setting on my new camera - LOVE it!)

As you can see, she can really kick that ball around! LOL

The first 20 minutes were very successful. Each child was assigned a teenage buddy, who is an experienced soccer player. They kicked the ball around, and then did some drills. One of the drills caused Reece a lot of confusion because the other kids were encouraged to try to "steal her ball", and she had a meltdown. Daddy took her out of the action to calm down, and then she decided she didn't want to go play anymore, she just wanted to watch. But I encouraged her to get back out there and try.

She was still one edge from the meltdown and it was time for scrimmage. Their 'team' was to wear these bright green things over their jerseys to separate them from the other team. Green - as if it weren't bad enough that the uniforms are all green, now they wanted her to put more green on?? It was too much and she started to meltdown again. Daddy wanted to pull her out again, but I disagreed. I've seen her pull herself together - like she did at ice skating (which I need to blog about at some point) and at the playplace, both last week. It's hard to watch while it's happening, especially since she tends to verbally meltdown while she's having the physical meltdown. By verbally meltdown, I mean she will say how bad she is and nothing she does is right and how everybody thinks they are better than her and how everybody is staring at her on and on and on and on and on. We get a LOT more of these lately than tears, and honestly I think they are harder to deal with! LOL

So we left her out there playing goalie - not wearing the green thing - and her soccer buddy was talking her through it. I tried to go out once to help and she flipped out. "No! NO! Here comes Mommy! I'm in trouble, now! She's going to be mad!" So I decided to just let the buddy handle it and see what happened. The goalie part was hard for her because she didn't really understand what was going on. It's all so new and they weren't really playing "real rules" soccer, since it's a special needs league. But soon enough the scrimmage was over. It was time to wrap up with penalty kicks.

By this time we were an hour into soccer, with accompanying meltdowns, and she was really worn out. And so was I. I have to admit that I cried behind my sunglasses for the entire scrimmage part. It was so hard to see everyone out there having so much fun and enjoying themselves and my baby - who was so excited to play soccer - was so incapable of enjoying it. It absolutely broke my heart. But she did a couple of penalty kicks and it ended on a relatively good note. They tried to get her to put her hand in for a group cheer circle thing at the end but she was just done by that time - and she had seen someone flying a kite so she was interested in that instead. I thanked her buddy profusely for all her patience, and she said that it was fine and that Reece is really very good with her soccer skills!

I really figured she would be done with soccer after that experience. But while we were looking at pictures last night she had a lot of positive things to say, including "next time...." so I guess she is able to remember the good parts about it and let some of the bad parts go. And now that she knows what to expect, maybe it will be easier. And this week, I think we'll take turns "stealing the ball" from each other!

RightStart Raves - Yeah, Again!!!

2011-03-11T15:57:00.003-05:00

Just when I think I couldn't love RightStart Math more...

Today we worked on the third to last lesson in RightStart B. This lesson involved "halves" and "fourths". The set up to the lesson involved giving Reece some tiles and tell her that Kelly has 2 rabbits. She has 8 carrots, and she wants to share the carrots equally between the rabbits. How many will each rabbit get? I told her she could use the tiles, but she said she didn't need to, "They each get four."

In RightStart style, I ask her how she figured that out. She said, "Well, there are 8 carrots and you divi -- I mean, you think of how they could make equal groups. Since they are both even numbers, you get 4 in each group."

I told her that 'divide' was the correct word and showed her what it looked like in math symbols. Then the teacher's manual directed me to tell her that the next day, Kelly had 6 carrots, and how many would each rabbit get now? She answered, and then she said, "And if there were an odd number of carrots, like 9, you could just cut the leftover carrot in half. And each of the rabbits could have a half a carrot too!!"

Yeah, that sound you heard was my mouth opening with a huge THUD! LOL

I am so impressed with the way RightStart has taught her how to think mathematically!! It's just SO cool! After the lesson was finished, she asked if I would teach her about percents. Since the lesson had been about halves and fourths, I decided to relate the percents to those quantities - so we discussed 100%, 50%, and 25%!

Next week she'll finish Level B and we'll move eagerly into Level C! :)

(And one quick funny thing... the lesson continued beyond 8 and 6 carrots into 2 carrots, 1 carrot, and 9 carrots. After we were done, Reece said, "Rabbits sure do eat a lot!" LOL)

Flexible Thinking

2011-02-14T16:33:00.000-05:00

I started this post yesterday but just go around to adding the pictures! :)

Reece has always loved Legos. But she never had any interest in building according to the directions. She would open a box of Legos, dump out all the packages, and make her own creations. Not a big deal - I was just thrilled that I finally had a child who likes Legos! :)

A couple of weeks ago, she opened up a box of Legos from Christmas - a little car. But this time, she sat down with the instruction booklet and went to work! I asked if she needed help, but she declined. In a little while, she had built the car!

Let me just say that the fact that she can follow those instructions at all amazes me. If you've never used a Lego instruction book let me tell you, it is HARD. There are no written instructions. You are shown the number of a certain piece that you need and then there is a picture of what it should look like when you have placed those pieces. It was completely mind-boggling for me. Riley and I worked on the Harry Potter Hogwarts castle kit a few years ago and it took us forever because neither of us could figure out the diagram!

Yesterday, Reece decided to get out the house kit that she had received for Christmas. "I want to build the house." Yikes. This is one of the kits that she had opened and dumped to make a creation of her own. I had done my best to put the pieces in a baggie, but she had opened another kit at the same time and I wasn't sure if I had gotten the pieces into the correct baggies. I told her as much, and that it would probably take a very long time (using Hogwarts as my reference point LOL). She was fine with it.

6 hours later... she was finished! At one point, she asked if construction workers ever took breaks. I assured her that they did break to eat and to rest their brains. So she took a couple of breaks in that time, but not many. She proudly showed me her creation!

What she also wanted to share was how she had to "improvise". She couldn't find a couple of the necessary pieces. She told me, "At first, it made me mad. Then I took some deep breaths, and I decided to improvise." She looked in our big lego bin first to see if she could find the correct pieces, and when that didn't work she used similar pieces in a different color. Even with the improvisation, it looked fabulous!

Rock and Roll dreams come true

2011-02-13T08:27:00.003-05:00

Austin's band played their first public gig last night! He had an absolutely fabulous time! I couldn't believe how calm he was (I was a nervous wreck for him!!) - but he was simply excited, not nervous!

Close-up on the drummer!!

They have another gig in 3 weeks! :) He can't wait! He is also talking about them doing a "summer tour". Too bad none of them are old enough to drive, huh?? LOL

Maturity

2011-02-10T20:51:00.002-05:00

Two posts in one day. Well, granted the last post wasn't truly written today, so maybe it doesn't count. But anyway, I wanted to share something that happened today. I would have loved to have put this on Facebook, but I'm not sure Austin would have appreciated it! :)

The last two days have been very rough for Austin academically. He has been in a pretty good place this school year in general - positive and hard working despite his struggles. But the last couple of days, his math in particular has caused him some grief. He's been dividing with decimals, and it isn't really complicated as near as I can tell. But the idea of "repeating decimal" just got him worked up for some reason. Then today we started working on dividing decimals by decimals and he was very gruff with me, which is just not how he's been lately. During critical thinking, he got really mad at me and told me that he wasn't going to even think about going to college anymore. I IMed my dh at work and asked him if I thought perhaps Austin was nervous about this weekend. His band has their first gig on Saturday. Maybe the pressure was making him nervous? Also, this weekend marks the beginning of the Nascar season. While that's exciting, and something Austin has been looking forward to for months, I know from experience with him that even something positive can cause him to be stressed out and uptight. And finally, he got the all-clear from the orthopedist to play baseball this coming season - which is, again, good news, but might be a lot to process at once.

I began to play detective.

And then, right after lunch, Austin came to me and apologized for his outbursts. He said he is feeling overwhelmed, and a little frustrated, but he was sorry that he took it out on me. He said he hoped I would forgive him.

Wow! That was so cool! What a delightful display of emotional maturity. Sure, he may have had some trouble keeping regulated, but who doesn't at times? But to have the humility to come to me and apologize, recognizing that I was upset with our earlier interactions, and also to have the self-awareness to know what he was feeling - I couldn't be more pleased with how he handled himself.

Why do I do this?

2011-02-10T09:38:00.000-05:00

I started this post 5 days ago and then let it sit for awhile. I think I'm going to go ahead and post it, though. The feelings haven't changed since I wrote it, though I'm not feeling as emotional about it all. It is what it is. We are experiencing a challenging time and I think it's natural to question the path we are on, especially as we face a looming transition - in this case, high school for Austin. It also helps that Reece is sleeping again - 3 nights in a row now after 2 full weeks of being up at night. In fact, it's 9:30 in the morning and she (and her siblings) are all still sound asleep! I even slept in until 7:30 this morning. (How funny... she's up now! Must have heard me typing about her!) OK, so here is the post:

The reason I haven't been posting much about our home education journey lately is that there just hasn't been much to talk about. I'm going to be very transparent here. That's one of my goals with this blog. Homeschooling hasn't been fun for a long time. Not even a little bit. In fact, I have found myself wondering lately why I even do it. This is our 9th year of homeschooling, and some days I wish we had never started. Lots of kids with autism do very well in public school. The only thing that prevents me from putting everyone in public school is the fact that the schools we're zoned for are poor performing schools. We can't afford private school. Then I start thinking I should get a job and try to move to better schools or put everyone in various private schools (since Austin and Reece couldn't get into the kind of school where I would put Riley, because of their academic challenges).

I know the pressure of high school coming this fall has taken a real toll on me. Austin is seeing a local homeschool consultant this week for the 2nd part of comprehensive testing. I am hopeful that she will be able to help me figure out how to get him through high school. And he likes her a lot. So maybe if she tells him that he will have to stay in high school until he can finish all of the math requirements, then he will listen to her. And I hope she will help me figure out how I'm supposed to do this. She is a Christian woman, so she will help me keep a proper perspective, and since she is a homeschool proponent, I don't think she will encourage me to put everyone in school. (That is the reason I'm using her, rather than one of the area psychologists.)

It's also been very challenging with Riley. She is head-long into being a pre-teen (she'll be 12 next month but she looks and acts like she's 14, at least). She and I butt heads from the moment she wakes up. She argues with me during her lessons every single time. I remind her that if she won't allow me to teach her, then she'll have to go to school. And I have to stay on her constantly to get her work done. I've been considering having her evaluated for ADHD. My biggest concerns are her distractibility, her impulsiveness (saying whatever comes to her mind without regard to anyone's feelings), and her inability to recognize when she is breaking the rules and/or being disrespectful. Other people have noticed these traits as well, and have commented on them.

Reece is so young still (chronologically and developmentally) that the biggest challenge is that she has nothing that she can do independently. She doesn't have that many lessons, and the ones she has don't take much time, but when I have two other people that I have to teach, and I can't just hand her something to work on, it becomes quite overwhelming.

That was all I got to write before I just had to stop. I'm not sure if there is anything else to add, really. It's a rough time. We'll do the best we can. :)

Friends

2011-01-26T07:35:00.002-05:00

I know, two posts in two days. How unusual! I didn't run this morning, so I found myself with a little time on my hands before the kids woke up, and I decided to peruse the Well-Trained Mind message boards. That's a precarious venture, as those of you who know me well realize. But I didn't click any further than the Special Needs board when I came across this link from Mom-Not Otherwise Specified's blog.

It's the first post in a series about a presentation she did to help her son's classmates better understand autism. I have read Mom-NOS's blog for several years off an on, and always appreciate her candor. I thoroughly enjoyed reading how she explained her son's autism to his class at school, and how they responded so positively.

It has me thinking about my post from yesterday about fitting in... I wish I could as easily explain Reece's behavior to other people, especially children. I have had the idea before about trying to explain Reece to other kids - her ballet teacher actually asked me if I wanted to do it when she moved to a new ballet class and the other girls didn't understand why she cried so much. I sat down to try to figure out a way to explain it to 5-6 year olds (which is how old the other girls in the class were at that time) but I just couldn't figure it out. Maybe it's because I don't really understand her very well.

Why does she want to wear princess dresses and tiaras when she's nearly 9? Because she likes fancy things?

Why does she like to touch people's jewelry and hair and sit on the laps of people she doesn't know? Um...

Why does she cry so easily? Not really a clue... because things upset her?

Why does she get upset when people do neat things, like play a song they wrote for the piano? Why does she cry out that they think they are better than her? Why can't she be happy for other people's success? Not a clue on that one, either.

I'd love to be able to just tell kids that Reece is really neat if you can get past the other stuff. That she has a wonderful imagination and she loves to draw and paint and create. That she can play for hours with Littlest Pet Shop! She really likes the idea of friends but she just doesn't know how to make it work and needs someone who can take the lead for awhile. Austin used to need that more, too, when he was little. Now that he's older, he knows that he has to take more of the responsibility for maintaining an interaction - and the main thing stopping him now is a huge dose of teenage self-consciousness. He is SO afraid of saying/doing something wrong that would be embarrassing, so he prefers not to say/do anything at all.

The last issue of American Girl magazine had a neat article in it about a girl with autism, and she tried to explain a little about autism. I read the article to Reece and she got upset because that girl sings the National Anthem at ball games and she (Reece) doesn't get to. She said that girl must think she's better than everyone else because she's famous. ::sigh:: Not exactly what I wanted Reece to get out of it. I did lend the article to my BFF to let her kids read so they might be able to understand Reece a little better. I wish the article were online so I could more easily share it. :(

Reece isn't in ballet this year, but she is already talking about the things she wants to try next year. So far it's piano lessons and gymnastics. The piano lessons I might be able to pull off if I could find the right teacher who would be understanding - lots of meltdown potential with something as performance oriented as that. Gymnastics I'm not seeing how that will be possible at this age. There are usually multiple classes going on inside a loud, echoing gymnasium. And at her age, if you can believe it, there are few beginning classes. I don't want to set her up for struggle... and for ridicule when/if she has a meltdown because she's feeling incompetent.

I'm not sure I had a point when I started this blog post. LOL I'm sitting here trying to come up with a good way to end it and I'm at a loss. So I guess I'll just end it! Hope everyone has a nice Wednesday! :)

Fitting in

2011-01-25T14:59:00.002-05:00

On Sunday, I was running late for church, and as I got into the shower, I told Reece to go get dressed. That was my first mistake. I wasn't specific enough, and she was rather excited about going to church because it had been a month since she had been, due to various illnesses among her and her siblings. When I came out of the shower, she was wearing a Princess costume. It wasn't one of her "real" Princess costumes (read: it wasn't made by Disney), but it was definitely a flowy princess dress. I hadn't said, "Put on a dress from your closet." I just said to get dressed, and she likes to be Fancy.

Then she asked me to put her hair in a bun so she could wear the tiara she bought at Magic Kingdom. As I already mentioned, we were running late, and it would take me longer to explain why that wasn't a good idea than to just toss her hair into a quick bun and be done with it.

But as I was doing her hair, I started to wonder if this was a good idea. I wonder if it's time to guide her into dressing more age-appropriately. She will be 9 in a few weeks, and at least in our area, 9 year old girls don't dress in Princess Wear. And definitely they don't do it in public. Honestly, most girls her age have grown out of the Princess phase entirely.

She already doesn't have any friends at church. No little girls come running up to her to say hi. They don't giggle and want to run around on the playground with her. For the most part, the girls her age avoid her like the plague, lest she have a meltdown. And she hasn't really even had very many meltdowns lately, but we attend a small church and children this age have really good memories. Does allowing her to come to church dressed in a princess dress and tiara make that worse? Is she "that weird girl who dresses like a princess"?

For the record, all of the adults who saw her completely doted on her. And one toddler boy said, "Daddy! It's a Princess!" when she walked by. She loved that! She doesn't seem embarrassed by any of it. And I'm totally OK with it... as long as it's not contributing to her not fitting in. I'm just not sure if I need to be putting an end to it. ::shrug::

More praise for Right Start Mathematics

2011-01-13T18:46:00.003-05:00

I hope you're not getting tired of hearing how pleased I am about using Right Start Mathematics with Reece! I was concerned that she was going to have trouble jumping back into it after a long Christmas break, but I decided to start right where we left off and use games and review to get her back up to pace if it was necessary. But it wasn't necessary at all! We are finishing up the 2nd week of lessons after Christmas and Reece is doing absolutely wonderful with her math! She's even had a really nasty cold this week, but it hasn't affected her ability or her perseverance.

The only way I can account for this success is that the methods that she learned through RS actually stuck. She didn't memorize shortcuts and she didn't memorize meaningless processes! She truly internalized her math. In fact, when she was solving a problem in the oral review art of the lesson and I asked her how she got that answer (which is very, very common with RS), she had actually solved it in a completely different way than any of the methods she learned. It showed me that RS has allowed her to truly understand numbers and be comfortable working with them.

The problem, by the way, was something like 74+74. Right start teaches to add the tens to the first number so you have 144, then add the 4 for 148. Well, Reece explained that she did 40+40 which was 80, and then she added the 30+30 (left over from breaking up the 70 into the 40s) for 60 and 80 plus 60 is 140, and 4 and 4 are 8, so 148. Yes, it was more complicated, but it got her the correct answer! Remarkable!! I wish I could explain this better so you can see it! 6 months ago this child could not remember that 5+3 equals 8, and when she finally figured it out (using the MUS blocks usually), she could not comprehend that 3+5 also equaled 8. I know that development can account for a lot, but I can't help but give much of the credit to RS.

I am so pleased with her progress that I am planning to use the Right Start Geometry program with Riley next year as part of her "Pre-Algebra" year! I have been following along with my friend Tammy as she blogs her daughter's progress using RS Geometry and I really think Riley will enjoy the hands-on aspect of the program, as well as the Geometry focus while reviewing fractions, decimals, and percents before we move into Algebra. (She will also be finishing the Singapore Primary Math curriculum which she will alternate with Life of Fred: Pre-Algebra).

I continue to regret not starting this program sooner for Reece. And boy I wish it had been around for Austin!! But there's no sense in crying over spilt milk, right? Or spilt tears over math? LOL Reece has about 20 lessons left until she's finished with Level B. I already have Level C which I found at a curriculum sale last spring! :)

A touching scene

2011-01-04T21:38:00.002-05:00

Sunday evening, Riley was away at a sleepover. My dh and I were watching his Christmas present: the first season of NCIS! Austin likes to sit in and watch with us sometimes, and that night was no exception! But since he is not so little anymore, he can often block our view, and we have to use my ever-so-wise father's favorite line, "You make a better door than you do a window!" He was aggravated and didn't know where to sit. I suggested the floor, and he plopped down and grumbled, "But it's cold down here." Reece walked out of the room and actually I didn't realize that she had walked out until she walked back in.

Carrying a blanket.

She covered Austin up and gave him a hug! And he let her! He even told her how nice she was! And that made her so happy, she went back to her room and brought back a pillow, and some stuffed animals, and her unicorn pillow pet! She put these all around Austin and hugged him! :) He hugged her back and told her thank you! (I would have taken pictures but the blanket and pillow had Tinkerbell on them and I didn't think he'd appreciate a pic of him covered in Tink and a Unicorn Pillow Pet floating around on the internet! LOL)

It was so totally cool! After Reece went to bed we talked to Austin about how exciting that was, what Reece had done. She heard him expressing a feeling of discomfort to us, and she took it upon herself to fix it! And we told him how awesome it was that he let her do that for him, even though he didn't really want to be covered in Tinkerbell and unicorns! How that was going to stick in her head and in her heart, and it would help her grow. We told him he was doing RDI and didn't even realize it! ;)

I love it when these moments happen... they fill me with such hope!

Resolved

2011-01-01T12:01:00.002-05:00

If you have come looking for a post outlining this year's goals, you will be disappointed. If you have come looking for a post updating my progress on last year's goals, you will be disappointed. Sorry!

You see, I did everything right in 2010 when it comes to making resolutions and goals. I made them measurable, specific, designed to cover a set time frame, and I wrote them down and even posted them for the world to see. I accomplished some of those goals - many of them, actually. I should probably sit down and figure out the percentage of goals that I accomplished. But I'm not going to.

I should be proud of what I accomplished in 2010. I ran four half-marathons. That in itself is pretty cool. But at the end of the day - or the year, as it were - it didn't matter. I ended 2010 in the same way I began it. And actually, it's quite possibly worse.

What went wrong? Shouldn't I be able to look at my list of accomplishments for the year and feel good about myself? Maybe I should. But I don't. Instead I feel as sad and empty and depressed and overwhelmed and discouraged as ever.

And I think I know why that is. You see, in all the list-making and goal-setting, I took my eyes off Jesus. I, once again, decided to take it all in my hands and think that if I could only achieve these artificial goals then I would have a "good year". Instead, while the kids really made great progress in their development, we achieved our debt free status after more than two years of sacrifice, and I accomplished some huge running goals, I still have this lingering black hole of despair.

But I didn't realize all of this until I started considering my goals for 2011. Yes, I could list that I want to complete my first triathlon and start training for my first full marathon. And I could come up with lots of other stuff, I'm sure. But it doesn't help my hurting heart. And it doesn't give me the peace I'm so desperate for. And it's doesn't help me to enjoy my life and to recognize the blessings that I'm given. There is only one way to get that, and that will be to put the focus where it needs to be. And by focus, I don't mean reading my Bible every day so I can check it off my list. That just doesn't do it.

I'm not going to attempt to make a list of what "will work". I'm sure I could google or ask my friends what I need to do to "deepen my relationship with God". But that doesn't solve anything. I'll just start with what I know: prayer, Bible reading, church. And I'll let the Holy Spirit lead me from there.

I know... weird, huh? Coming from the box-checking list-maker? But I've done it my way so long. And my way ain't working.

Word of the Year 2011: Joy

2011-01-01T11:49:00.002-05:00

"Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy. For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything." James 1:2-4 (NLT)

The Most Magical Place on Earth

2010-12-20T15:27:00.003-05:00

Last week, my mom took me and the girls to Disney World for our Christmas present. We also got to spend one day at Universal Studios to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! It has more than 4 years since we attempted Disney with Reece. The last time we went she spent much of the time in the stroller we rented for her. She did have fun, but she was pretty much in her own world. My family and I are huge Disney fans, and we really wanted to include Reece in our Disney experience. Reece has really changed so much lately, so we decided it was time to give it a try.

Disney is absolutely fantastic with their accommodations for children on the spectrum. I had taken a letter with me from her doctor, but the didn't even asked to see it. I went to Guest Services on our first day in the parks and told them our situation. I was expecting a lot of questioning, as I had heard they have gotten more stringent since our last visit. But this cast member immediately went to get me a Guest Assistance Card which was marked for us to be able to use an alternate entrance where available. He did tell me about a few extra restrictions, but we weren't required to follow any of those during our visit. What this card allowed us to do was to use the Fast Pass entrance without having to get a Fast Pass, or we could also use the handicapped entrance. This means that Reece didn't have to wait very long for her turn to ride, and that truly made such a difference!

At Universal, I hadn't heard about any sort of accommodations, but I decided on the spur of the moment to ask at their Guest Services. The lady was VERY helpful and offered me a card that was similar to the GAC at Disney. I can't remember what it's called and my mom has it in her package of souvenirs at her house, but I will be sure to ask her to get the name of it for me. But all I did was tell the lady at Guest Services that my daughter has autism and was there anything they could do to help make the day go more smoothly. This card was similar to the one at WDW. If the wait was less than 30 minutes, it worked exactly like the GAC - we used the Express line. If the wait was 30 minutes or more, we had to get a cast member (guessing that's what they are called at Universal) to sign our card and give us a return time. We used it twice in this way and the return time was always equal to the standby time. Then we could go wait elsewhere and return during our time to use the Express line. This worked GREAT, but let me encourage you to take the advice the Guest Services lady gave me and do not take the child with autism with you to get the return time, lest your child with ASD get upset about not being able to ride right away like they are used to doing on the other rides.

All in all, the many things that I had been worried about with Reece during this trip did not occur. It was absolutely magical. She was patient. She was flexible. She slept in the strange hotel room (two rooms actually as we stayed over in Ocala Sunday night to break up the drive time). She talked to adults and children - actually she called all of the cast members by name. We had taken her up to a cast member upon our arrival and showed her their name tag, so in case she got lost she would know what to look for. I had bought Road IDs for both girls, and I told them that if they got lost, they should find a cast member, show them their ID which had my cell phone and my mom's cell phone number on it, and tell them they are lost. I was worried that she wouldn't keep the Road ID on, but she never flinched about it one time or complained that it was bothering her! She handled the crowds of people well, though we did our best to flank her on 3 sides. She did not have a SINGLE meltdown. Not ONE!!

It was truly amazing. A magical, magical time. We had breakfast at the castle (my favorite thing to do ever!) and she wore Belle's Christmas Dress costume that Riley had gotten during our first trip down. Belle came to our table and said, "Have you been going through my closet again??" and she just laughed. But I noticed that most of the little girls just giggled when the princesses spoke to them. I think it's a bit overwhelming to be talking to a real princess. Then Ariel came, which is Reece's favorite, and she was so excited, and so was I! I've never seen Ariel at the castle breakfast, and how exciting that she should be there for Reece!

I could go on and on but that would be boring, and I won't have pictures to share until my mom goes through them all and shares them with me. But I will leave you with my 2 favorite moments from the trip. The first was how Reece started off our days leaving our room at the resort. We were on the 4th, and top, floor and we would walk out of the room and she would loudly announce, "Hello, Earthlings!!!!" It cracked us up every single time. And the looks on the faces of the people walking down below were priceless!

The last thing I want to share was the parade during the Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party, which had to be the most wonderful part of the trip. That day had been so long. We went to Animal Kingdom first and rode Expedition Everest 5 times, plus rode the other rides. Then we came back to the room to rest before the party. When we arrived at the party it was wall-to-wall people, so much that it made me uncomfortable. We hid out in the corners in several places while we ate dinner, and then later our complimentary apples, cookies, and cocoa. But the fireworks and castle stage show were extremely crowded. So before the parade (which started at 10:30, we didn't even try the earlier one which was much, much more crowded) I asked a cast member if there was a place where we could watch the parade and get away from some of the crowds. He directed me to the front of the park to a disability seating area. When we finally made our way there, it was already full, but the cast member working that section directed us across the street to a completely empty spot that I never would have found otherwise. We had front-row viewing and no crowds. It was the first time Reece has seen a parade, that she probably remembers, and she was beyond excited. She was wearing the Belle's Christmas Dress again and she was jumping up and down and waving and blowing kisses - and so many of the cast members would wave and smile and blow kisses back. And then, The Beast actually BOWED to her as they came by on the float!! She was so thrilled, and it was an amazing experience to see her that happy!

I know we can't expect another Disney trip to go as smoothly as this one did, but I will take the memories of this trip and treasure them forever. I am sure my mom would tell you that it was money well-spent! Each night on the bus back to the resort, Reece would snuggle up next to her and say, "Nana, this is the best day EVER!!" :)

An update

2010-12-06T13:36:00.003-05:00

We are nearing our Christmas break, and I think it's safe to say all of us are ready! But we have had a most productive school year so far, with the possible exception of NaNoWriMo! LOL It's nice to see the books being finished and talked about, and progress being made in our math books. We're actually half way through the history book for the first time ever. It's mind-boggling! But, I remember that spring is always such a busy time for us, and we will appreciate the hard work that we put in now. I think it also helped that Austin's ankle hindered us from the many wonderful field trips our homeschool group had planned! LOL

Just a note about Reece and her math... we had to slow down a little bit, not because the math itself was any more difficult, but because so much of RightStart at this level requires advanced auditory processing. Well, it's probably not advanced for the target age (5-7 years old), but it is for a child with auditory and language processing problems. When she started to have to hold problems like 43 + 79 in her head and solve them, I saw her frustration level building. It wasn't that she couldn't do the computation in her head, it was that she couldn't hold those numbers in her head! I decided that while we'll continue to work on building her auditory processing skills, it wasn't worth the negative feelings that she was getting. So I simply started writing the numbers down so she could see them. It really helped a lot. I figured it was the sort of compensation that wasn't interfering with the purpose of the lesson, but would help alleviate frustration from her processing challenges. So we do a few auditorily, and then I'll write a few on the board for her to see the numbers.

And she continues to surprise me! Today was a lesson that I expected to be quite difficult for her. She was given a set of 5 numbers and had to select which ones added up to 20. There could be 2, 3, 4, or 5 numbers. But she breezed right through it and declared that type of worksheet to be the most fun kind ever! :)

Austin is doing much better. He is able to walk around on the boot without crutches, and he is back to drumming. He has joined a rock band and has been to two practices. He's able to "gazelle" again and I think it helps him quite a bit. We don't know yet about baseball this spring. He goes back to the doctor after Christmas and we'll be keeping our fingers crossed!

Riley is her usual busy self. Her dance company did their first missions/outreach project yesterday when they performed at a nursing home. It was a lovely dance and I'm very proud of her!

Hope to be able to post more during Christmas break!!

NaNoWriMo update

2010-12-01T11:29:00.002-05:00

I made my word count goal on Sunday evening. The story isn't my best, by far, but I did manage to get it done and I guess that's the real point.

None of the kids made their goals. We won't be doing NaNoWriMo next year. None of us. It has just turned into too much stress and not nearly enough fun. I don't need yet another thing to be nagging the kids about. I even bought several of their rewards in anticipation of them making their goals and they didn't. I have a whole bag full of stuff. It's truly disappointing. And I don't need yet another thing that I feel pressure to complete.

Now I feel like the kids wasted an entire month of language arts. Yeah, won't be doing this again.

Of Teenagers and Broken Bones and Autism

2010-11-17T08:38:00.004-05:00

I try to limit what I share on my blog these days about Austin. It's not that I don't want to tell about his life or our homeschooling adventure, it's just that he has become very self-conscious about his struggles. I don't want to embarrass him in the interest of sharing our story, but I also started this blog as a way to put out there for others the real ups and downs that we experience. I wanted to be able to share our struggles, not only to show that we have struggles, but also to show that we muddle our way through them.

And this fall has been a struggle for Austin (and then, of course, us) of the sort of magnitude that I can barely begin to describe.

He is still recovering from the ankle injury in September. Who knew that a broken bone would take this long to heal? Last week he got his cast off, and a boot on. Not having any experience in the area of broken bones and casts, I assumed he would get the boot on and walk out of there under his own power. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. He can put weight on the leg for a few minutes at a time, but for the most part, he still has to walk around on crutches. The doctor didn't seem surprised by this (unlike me), and told us that while it was healed, the leg would be sore for a few weeks. We go back after Christmas for another appointment, at which point if Austin's not walking, I will be asking for a referral to physical therapy for him.

Yesterday he did join the girls and me at the pool. It wasn't easy to get him in and out of the water, but we managed. And he swam some laps with me. I made sure he took it easy, since he hasn't had any physical activity in nearly 2 months. I lost count while trying to do my own laps, but I think he did at least 5-6 laps of his own before he got out. We go to the pool just about every week, so he'll be able to continue the water exercise. I hope that will help to loosen up his foot and make it easier on him.

One bright note: he is able to play drums with the boot on.

To add to the complete wreck that has been fall at the BPA, Austin also came off his seizure medication. He started weaning off the meds in July, and took his last dose on the day of his ankle surgery. We had noticed some side effects of with each drop down in dosage (coinciding with the beginning of each new month). I did some research and learned that this medication is also used as a mood stabilizer for bipolar disorder. Then the complete weaning, coupled with the drastic change of a broken ankle/cast/losing his baseball season/losing the ability to self-regulate through pacing, has really been the hardest thing that we've had to experience in the last few years. I'm praying that, when all this is over, he will slowly return to normal. However, I have already decided that once he is able to walk and run again, if his mental state does not seem to be clearing out... we will need to seek outside intervention. I'm not sure what that will look like, but we'll start with the developmental pediatrician for recommendations. He simply can't spend the rest of his life feeling this way and having the sorts of thoughts he has been having.

We've been having lots of discussions about how many of this thoughts and feelings are those that most kids his age are having: being embarrassed about your family, being afraid you're going to say the wrong thing, feeling like you don't fit in. Austin has also been wondering about autism - and if he really has it or not. He said he doesn't feel like he fits in with other high functioning autistic/aspie kids any better than he fits in with NT kids. I can't imagine how that must feel... it reminds me of a quote from the "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" movie: "Even among misfits, you're misfits."

Tomorrow is his half-birthday. We try to make those special by letting the half-birthday person choose fast food for lunch. Austin's still deciding - since I let him know that Longhorn Steakhouse is not my definition of fast food! ;) I pray for our family, and especially for Austin, that this second half of his fifteenth year of life will be filled with much more joy and peace than the first half has been.

All those dead people

2010-11-16T07:18:00.002-05:00

In our continuing love of RightStart Mathematics, we have been moving forward in the lessons in Level B quite easily. I appreciate how geometry concepts are integrated into lessons involving arithmetic, as I feel they work different parts of the brain. Recently, we started learning about lines of symmetry. Every time I'd say "line of symmetry" to Reece she would reply with "All those dead people". I just ignored it, assuming it was one of her verbal stims she does now and then - where she repeats a line or two from something she has seen or heard.

Yesterday while we were waiting for Riley to finish up at her Glee Club practice, Reece wanted to draw. I gave her paper and a pencil and she came back with a rectangle, divided by a line of symmetry, and all over the line were little tombstones. She said, "Here is the line of symmetry... and there are the dead people."

Suddenly it dawned on me... cemetery!!! She was mistaking symmetry for cemetery! Poor girl, I bet she had felt like her beloved math had taken a much darker turn! LOL

Anyway, I explained the difference, and now she thinks she is quite clever talking! She even wrote "Line of Symmetry ... all those dead people" on her picture! :)

Why Can't NaNoWriMo be in February?

2010-11-10T08:22:00.002-05:00

NaNoWriMo is proceeding fairly well for it being in the month of November. I had mentioned before that this particular November was going to be incredibly busy, and that hasn't been an understatement. In fact, more things have been added to our calendars as the month has progressed. It would be very helpful if they could move the entire event to February!

The kids are behind on their word counts, which is frustrating for me, and rather disappointing. They started off last week very excited, and then it just petered off. It was their idea to participate, and if they don't start putting forth the required effort, we simply won't do it next year. This project takes the place of their language arts for the month, and I'm not going to have it be an excuse to just take a lazy way out and do nothing.

I'm ahead on my word count, only because I know that I will have a few days next week where my chances of getting any writing done are slim. I was hoping to pad my count so I wouldn't be stressed about it later. Also, my rewards for making my goals are entry fees into two races coming up, so that gives me extra motivation to get done. (Wish my kids felt their rewards were enough to keep them going... especially since I already purchased a couple of those things. I guess they can go in their Christmas stockings if they don't meet their goals for writing).

Hopefully we'll all get some good writing done today... I had thought we had nothing to do today, but of course, a quick glance at the calendar revealed that I was wrong! LOL

NaNoWriMo - Day 3

2010-11-03T16:44:00.005-04:00

Mom - 6,927 (so far)
Austin - 1,046
Riley - 779
Reece - 747

NaNoWriMo - November 2nd

2010-11-02T19:25:00.005-04:00

Mom - 5, 185
Austin - 679
Riley - 467
Reece - 546

NaNoWriMo: Word Count, Day 1

2010-11-02T11:18:00.001-04:00

Mom - 3,204
Austin - 214
Riley - 274
Reece - 270

I've never written in 3rd person before and it's trickier than I imagined. Also, writing in the afternoon with the distractions around is crazy! Much harder to get focused than it was in previous years when I wrote in the wee hours of the morning.

NaNoWriMo: Here we come!

2010-10-31T21:54:00.002-04:00

Now that Halloween is drawing to a close, our attention turns to our novels! :) Here are our word count goals:

Mom - 50,000
Austin - 10,000
Riley - 7,050
Reece - 5,572

It's going to be quite a challenge for me to get my novel written this year, but I've used some race entries as motivation to get the job done! LOL

Will keep everyone posted on our progress! :)

Some bright spots...

2010-10-27T13:17:00.002-04:00

Yesterday during Riley's ballet class, the 3 remaining homeschool moms (her class used to be mostly homeschoolers) and I started a conversation about high school. With my emotions running high, I fought back tears as I described some of my recent struggles. Later as we were leaving, one of the moms said, "You know... it's just part of being a mom, to worry about what the future holds for your child. I know you have it to a greater extent than others, but it's just a part of parenting."

That was a mini "a-ha" moment for me, and it recalled a conversation I just had recently with Austin where we were discussing his social anxiety. He had told me that he doesn't talk much in public because he's afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking stupid. I assured him that most teenagers are worried about the exact same thing - autistic or not. He was actually quite surprised - I'm not even sure he really believed me, but rather just thought I was saying that to make him feel better.

So going on the premise that it's not unusual to be concerned about my teenager's future, realizing that I tend to worry more than most (even though I know that I'm supposed to TRUST God and not worry), I will devote this post to a few things that have given me glimmers of hope recently.

1. The biggest one happened during church on Sunday. Reece had taken a squishy toy with her like she usually does, to calm her during the service, but she was 'juggling' it during worship time. I told her not to do it or I would have to take it away. She got upset and she crawled under the chairs. We're in the front row, so it's not like we're invisible - and I was worried that it would distract dh on stage leading worship. But I ignored it until worship was over, and then motioned to have her come sit on my lap. She actually got over it all fairly quickly, and I was thanking God to myself while we were singing "Indescribable", when I noticed that she was singing along. I started to cry at the overwhelming emotion of it all - not only had she pulled it together so quickly, but she was actually singing along when just a few months ago merely being IN the service was still quite overwhelming for her!

2. Math is still going really well for Reece. I love having something for her that gives her confidence in her abilities as a learner! It really makes ALL of her lessons smoother as a result.

3. Riley is doing much better with time management. Her schedule is incredibly full with 3 days a week of dance, one day of glee club/theater class, and youth group on the fifth day. She is easily distracted, and would piddle her time away, and still be working late into the evening. While I don't like having to put a time limit on her lessons, it's necessary for this year. If possible next year, we will need to scale back on her activities... or maybe her classes will fall later in the evening and it won't be such a crunch to get her where she needs to be. Regardless, she has learned that I'm serious when I mean the work needs to be done before dance class. She even made herself a little grid for time management (of her own creation!) and she posted it on the board above her desk.

4. We are on track, or even a little bit ahead, in just about all of our subjects! There are a just a couple that are behind, but that's because we started them later than the others. I don't think we've ever been this "on schedule" before. I wish our discussions/narrations were better, but that will be my goal for after the Christmas holidays.

5. Austin really seems to be "getting" fractions, thanks to Key to Fractions. He'll finish the series soon, and move on to Key to Decimals and finally Key to Percents, which should both be easier since it was really fractions that gave him the most trouble. As of right now, I'm planning to keep him going with the "Key to" series for Algebra and Geometry. If he successfully completes those before graduation, I will gladly look into my options at that point! :)

Well, there you go... a bit nicer reading I'm sure! :)

Movie Review: Temple Grandin

2010-10-25T16:08:00.003-04:00

This is another one of those posts that's going to get too long, will surely involve much rambling, and may well end up being more of a time for me to spill my guts rather than review a movie, so I welcome you to grab a cup of coffee/hot chocolate/Mike's Hard Lemonade and make yourself comfortable, or just go ahead and move on to your next blog! :) Either way is fine with me!

One more quick note before I get started: I really have intended to actually blog about our school year but things just keep happening. I promise to get to that as soon as I possibly can.

And now... the movie review (and there will be spoilers):

First of all, let me say as a movie fanatic, that this was a very well-done movie. I absolutely loved Claire Danes' performance and I can clearly see why she won the Emmy. I was also surprised to see one of my favorite actors, David Strathairn, in the role of Dr. Grandin's high school science teacher/mentor - he also won for his role. I felt the movie was well-made, and it was enjoyable to watch.

As a parent of two children on the autism spectrum, it goes much further and deeper than just a good movie. I cried off and on through the movie, specifically the scene where Mrs. Grandin is being told by the doctor that her child has autism, and later where she sees her daughter being teased when she is at the boarding school and the science teacher stops her from leaving with Temple. Both of those scenes hit me hard as a mother of a child with autism.

Wow, this is harder to write than I expected. My thoughts are not flowing - instead they are coming all at once and very disjointed. I hope this all makes sense.

I loved seeing how Temple's smile when something really excited her. I know that expression, even though my kids smile quite freely. There is still something about that look of pure joy they get when they are really, truly excited - and it's usually over something other people might think is weird. But it's not to them. To them, it's pure joy. It also makes me remember how excited Austin used to get when my mom would come to visit. He actually would get so happy, he had to leave the room. He couldn't even say more than hello. He would see her, smile, and then go to this room. It was like that at Christmas time, too. For years he would see the presents and go right back to his room. Too much emotion to process.

I wonder if my kids will ever find their "thing" like Temple did. It really worries me at times, especially with Austin. And I'm not sure if that's because Austin will be a 9th grader next year and I'm spending a lot of time getting my ducks in a row for high school. But academically, it looks less and less like college is in his future, especially a four year college. Thankfully, he is opening up to the idea of life beyond high school that doesn't involve four year college, which is a huge answer to prayer. Several times recently, since his ankle surgery really, he has told me that there are "lots of opportunities out there". What does that mean? I truly don't know... and, while I trust that God has a plan for Austin's life, I often find myself terrified that I won't be able to figure that plan out in time to help Austin pursue it. Reece is still so young that it seems like I have plenty of time... plus I'll have had the experience of getting Austin and Riley to this point.

At the end of the movie, Temple says that her mom made sure she was in school, and out doing things, and being around people. This really hit me hard. I've been wondering lately if I made a mistake in homeschooling. It seems like our circle of homeschoolers has dwindled to practically none, especially when it comes to boys Austin's age. We know many families with young children who homeschool, but few with teenagers, fewer with teenage boys, and even fewer with teenage boys who seem to be able to/desire to relate with Austin. He spends a few hours a week with other boys during the baseball seasons (even with his broken ankle he was going to all the games and sitting with his teammates in the dugout). But I can't put him in academic classes, which is really all there is offered for this age group, because he can't keep up with a high school level class. I've debated asking the teacher if he could participate in the class as well as he can, not be graded or receive credit, and see if they would allow this - but if the work is overwhelming to Austin, it will damage his self-esteem, which seems to be precarious at best these days. Ugh, being 14 is HARD - Autism or not.

And I'm worn out. Mentally exhausted and drained. This school year has actually been one of the best in terms of getting our work done, but I don't feel like I've been able to give any of the children what they really need in terms of interaction and teaching. It's just about all I can do on any given day to get the meals made, never-ending laundry tended, housework somewhat completed, and the lessons for a 3rd, 6th, and 8th grader done. There are few times that I feel like I've had a good 'socratic' discussion with anyone. I'm barely staying on top of the readings, let alone analyzing it for myself so I can discuss it with them. I'm finding that I love the teacher's manuals that will give me some direction on what to say, because it's hard to really think deeply about "The Littles", "Little Women", and "Around the World in 80 Days" all at the same time. What are they missing out on? Is there an amazing art teacher that Reece is missing out on by being home with her mother who is loathe to get the paints out because of the mess. Is there a way for Austin to get auto mechanics classes, or maybe some sort of meteorology class where he can learn more about storm chasing? What about drama and choir for Riley that involves children her own age, rather than constantly involving the younger siblings because it's convenient for the other homeschool parents? I do the best I can... but there are 3 of them and one of me. And sometimes it would be nice - so very, very, very nice - not to be having to do all of this all by myself. Sometimes it would be nice to be the one they are complaining TO, not the one they are complaining ABOUT.

Okie dokie... back to the movie! LOL

Temple drives a car and lives on her own! That was so exciting for me! You don't know how often I wonder if Reece will be able to drive and live on her own. I'm pretty sure Austin will be able to drive, but with this economy, and the likelihood of him not having a college education, I am concerned about his ability to support himself and live on his own.

I also loved the moment towards the end of the movie where Temple was having a hard time leaving the store through the automated doors, and a kind lady helped her by holding the doors open. Outside the store, Temple learned that the lady's husband worked for the plant that Temple wanted to redesign. God placed that lady in Temple's path for a reason. Through that small interaction, she was able to get an inside connection to a place that was inaccessible to her previously! It was awesome!

Ok, I warned you I was going to ramble. And wow, did I! LOL Hope that makes some sense. I am still so full of emotions even now, nearly 24 hours after watching it. But I'm not sure if that's a reflection on the movie, or on the state of my mind recently! ;)

A sad farewell to Heidi

2010-10-20T13:59:00.002-04:00

Today marked a sad occasion at the Black Pearl Academy: we finished reading Heidi. Yet again I find myself wondering why I never read this book as a child! It was so touching and so lovely! Reece actually didn't want to start the chapter today because she didn't want it to end! She says she doesn't think any other book will be as wonderful as Heidi!

I have to include another quotation or two, similar to the last one I blogged about, but really meaningful to me. Heidi and Clara are in their beds, trying to go to sleep after the exciting day where Clara takes her first steps. Heidi again talks about how wonderful it is that God doesn't always give us what we are asking for right away.

"Clara considered this, and then she said, 'But in that case, perhaps we ought not to pray for anything, because God knows - as we don't - what is best for us.'

'I don't think that's quite right either,' Heidi replied quickly. 'We ought to pray to Him every day to show our trust, and that we know that everything comes from God. If we forget Him, then sometimes He lets us go our own way, and then things go very wrong with us.'"

Wowsa!!! And this is a children's book??? Talk about convicting!

So next week we move on to The Secret Garden, another book I've never read. Riley read it several years ago - but I just gave it to her to read, because I was busy with OT/ST with the other kids. It's nice to have an excuse to read it aloud! :)

NaNoWriMo 2010: Inner Editors

2010-10-19T16:45:00.003-04:00

It's hard to believe it, but NaNoWriMo begins in less than two weeks! I had decided that we weren't going to participate this year, since we really have too much going on, but the kids were rather upset when I mentioned it - even Austin. Since the reaction was so intense, I decided we needed to attempt it, at least.

This week and next week we'll be doing our preparation work using the free workbooks on the NaNoWriMo Young Writer's Program website. These workbooks are a really great way to discuss the important parts of a novel and how to approach writing one. We really used them in-depth last year and I know it helped the kids so much! I'm going to use them myself this year to flesh out the idea that I'll be writing, since it came to me last year as a dream and I only wrote down what I saw at the time.

I'm truly not certain that I'll be able to complete a novel this year. I am running two half-marathons this month, plus a 5K, plus Harry Potter 7 at midnight, plus a Christmas Shopping Day with my mom, plus a day out with my book club! That doesn't leave very much time for writing! LOL But I'll give it my best shot! :)

Today we sent our Inner Editors packing, and tomorrow we'll decide on our word counts and incentives!

More praise for RightStart Mathematics

2010-10-13T15:10:00.002-04:00

There have been a few neat things going on with Reece and math the last two weeks. I have been so distracted with Austin's needs that I haven't had much time to post, let alone to reflect - but that's a topic for a post on a different day! :) I just need to write this one down before I forget!

Last week, I was getting ready to introduce her to the math balance. This manipulative reminds one of a regular balance (like she used to play back when she had a "school box" of toys that came out only during lesson time - she used her balance and the little counting bears together), except this balance has numbers and pegs and 10mg weights to attach to the pegs. The goal of the introductory lesson was to introduce the balance by using 2 of the weights and put them on the same number on each side to show that they balanced. Then you would use 3 weights - 2 on one side and one on the other (to make 10s). Well, I got out the balance and then Austin needed help with something so I told Reece I'd be right back. By the time I returned to her she had been exploring the balance and she said, "Mommy! Look at this!" and she placed weights on the 5 on one side, and on the 2 and 3 on the other side. She was so proud of herself! I said, "I wonder if you can figure out how to balance a 10." She went right to it. Then she took up 2 weights and put one on the 10 and one on the 5 on the left for a total of 15. Then she played around for a minute and put weights on the7 and 8 on the other side - this took some trial and error, something I'm working hard on with her (you don't have to be right the first time every time). She was so excited!

The next thing was yesterday when she was working on adding 10 to a number. She has been introduced to regrouping via the abacus(what RightStart calls 'trading' - it's hard but the term is growing on me). These problems of adding 10 she could use the abacus or not, but she was very pleased with herself that she didn't need to. But then we got to 93. Her answer was 104. I knew just from looking at her face and the uncertainty with which she gave her answer that she knew what she was doing, but her language processing was getting in the way. I suggested she put it on the abacus, and she had a little meltdown. "I'm not a math whiz anymore!" I assured her that she was, she just needed a tiny bit of help to see the number. So she did the problem on the abacus and had her "A-HA!" moment. I wrote more on the board for her to do... hundreds, and thousands, some with regrouping... er, trading, and some without! And then I gave her the REALLY, REALLY hard one: 995 + 10. I told her this would be hard so she might want to use the abacus. She merely grinned at me and said, "1005". I asked her how she got that answer, and she told me she traded two times on the abacus inside her brain. I wrote the answer on the white board and she asked if we could leave it there and could she draw a heart around the problem! ;)

Finally, today we began telling time with an analog clock. That's what they're called, right? The clock with the hands and the numbers? LOL Anyway, she's been dreading this for months. She was determined it was too hard. We began with adding 100 to a number, and she had no trouble with the trading in her head. Piece of cake. We were getting ready to do the first clock lesson which involved exploring the geared clock and learning where the numbers go on the clock. She played with the clock while we were doing the numbers thing, then she held the clock up to me with a time on it. It read "10:56" and she said... this is the time it is now. I said, "Actually, that says 10:56. To make it say 11:56, you need to make the hour hand be closer to the 12, because it's nearly 12:00, not 11:00." She looked at it for a minute, and then fixed it. And then she knew how to tell time. Because she started putting all sorts of different times on the clock - bedtime, supper time, rest time, rest time is over, the time it is now, the time it is now, the time it is NOW. LOL Anyway, she basically taught herself how to tell time! And she thought it was going to be so hard! ;)

I'm so relieved that math is enjoyable and understandable for her now! I keep beating myself up over waiting so long to get this program. But maybe she wouldn't have been ready for it 2 years ago? Maybe she just needed the time developmentally and now she's ready for math. Regardless, I'm SO pleased! She is totally a math whiz! LOL

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month

2010-10-09T23:25:00.002-04:00

In case, like me, you weren't aware that October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month - now you do! I learned about it from the blog of a fellow ROTE runner, Andi. Her little boy has Down Syndrome.

At our old church, there was a family who had a teenage daughter with Down Syndrome. She had several children after that child, and I remember a conversation with her when she was pregnant with one of those children. We talked about the pressure the doctors were putting on her for testing. She told me about the number of births of children with Down Syndrome in the world going down because many people were choosing to terminate the pregnancy. It broke my heart. Shortly after this conversation, the top news story was about the discovery of a gene marker for autism and how this could lead to prenatal testing for autism. So that discussion hit quite close to home.

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to share with you that October has another meaning...

Hijacked: Our Autism Anniversary

2010-09-30T22:19:00.003-04:00

This day was hijacked by Austin's ankle surgery... it all went very well, though, and he's now got a green cast on his lower leg! Unfortunately, I'm too tired to really comment on the most recent year of our autism journey! :) Please look for it tomorrow!

Five Years of Autism: Years 3-4

2010-09-29T12:51:00.002-04:00

Looking back, I think that Year 3 was probably the worst of all. We had started RDI with a consultant, which was a good thing and a bad thing. Ultimately it was great for the kids, but it was very bad for me. And when we first started RDI, it was hard for the kids because it changed everything about their world and they had to try to let go of the control and allow themselves to be guided. And it required me to let go as well, which has ultimately turned out to be harder for me than for them.

The end of Year 3 culminated with Austin's seizures which rocked my world even harder than the autism did. To this day, I don't think I've experienced anything scarier in my entire life than watching my son have a seizure.

As Year 4 began, I took up running, and I made a conscious decision to start trusting God more. Who would have thought that the running would be the EASY part? LOL

When the seizures started, my life was consumed by that, and we decided to let our RDI consultant go. It was a difficult decision, but it was one that I don't regret. Our styles never meshed and I feel like we wasted a lot of money. If I had it to do over again, I would have voiced my concerns on the very first day that we went for orientation. Hindsight is 20/20, but the damage from that experience is still evident - thankfully, NOT in the kids themselves.

Year 4 also marked some changes in Austin and Reece. Austin seemed to be over the worst of the onset of puberty, and we gained seizure control with the first medication and only one adjustment (and one additional seizure). However, instead of seeing outward signs of stress... we were seeing more internal ones. Instead of crying or tantrumming, we got anger. Definitely more age-appropriate, but still very disconcerting.

That year was a huge one for Reece as well, as it represented, in my opinion... her 'awakening'. She was finally part of the world and while that was great, it was also really hard for her and for us. She became aware of her differences, and that made her upset. But until she reached that point, it seemed like we couldn't move forward. So while it was hard to see her struggle, it was good to know that we could work with things now.

It's so funny how each of these years, independently, seemed like the "Longest Year Ever" but as I look back on them, it seems like an eternity ago. And that it was just a blip on the screen. Amazing.

"Pop goes the ankle"

2010-09-28T15:12:00.003-04:00

The title of this post is courtesy of Reece, who has been singing this since Saturday...

I need to rant and rave and pout and cry here, because I can't anywhere else. It's OK to skip this. I just need to get it out, and I can't because I have to keep an even keel and be strong for my son.

Dduring his game on Saturday, Austin stole third base... as he slid in, something bad happened, and he cried out in pain. He came home and we did ice, compression, etc. Yesterday I took him to the pediatrician's office, and they wanted him to go to the orthopedist today. He already sees an ortho because he has "hemihypertrophy" (one side of his body is bigger than the other, which causes him to have scoliosis). So we go see the doc this morning, and have x-rays, and it's BROKEN. The tibia is broken at the bottom. And not only is it broken, but he has to have surgery to put a screw in it so it will heal properly. He will be in a cast for 6 weeks, and then a boot for 8-10 more weeks. Baseball season is over.

It's just NOT FAIR. Baseball is his life. It's all he does, and he's REALLY good. On the field, he is just like everyone else. He struggles academically, he struggles socially - baseball is the great equalizer for him. He plays twice a year: spring and fall. Now this fall? Gone.

He also is a drummer. He's really good at it, too, and has started going to gigs with his musician father, and was asked to be in the youth praise band at church. Well, drummers need their feet, right? So that's gone, too.

Austin paces to calm down. Sometimes when he's really worked up he almost bounces, and we call it Gazelling. So now that's gone, too. His main way to self-regulate.

It's NOT FAIR. Not fair one little bit. I know life isn't fair, but what else does this kid have to go through? Asperger's wasn't enough... he had to have seizures. Seizures are under control now... he's been weaning off his meds for the last 3 months, with the last dose on Thursday of all days. I was going to let him start riding his bike up to the convenience store on his own. Can't do that now. Not for 3 months anyway.

I can't say any of this out loud, or even vent it on FB since he's on FB, too. I have to be cool, calm, and collected so he doesn't get upset. He's such a nice kid... why does everything have to be so hard for him??

NOT FAIR.

Five Years of Autism: Year 1-2

2010-09-27T20:09:00.003-04:00

This coming Thursday, September 30th, 2010 marks the 5th anniversary of Reece's diagnosis with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I've been doing a lot of soul searching in the last week or two as I come to terms with what this has meant to our family. Luckily (?) I started my blog back in 2005, so this entire process - or rather, what I decided to share about it online - is available for me to peruse at my leisure.

This is a good and a bad thing.

It's good because Years 1-2 are a blur. Right after Reece was diagnosed, we started on the diagnosis process for Austin. So within an 8 month time span, 2 of my 3 children were diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum. It was a scary time. The doctor gave me a very bleak outlook on Reece's future. I didn't share all of that publicly. It was way too awful. And then when Austin was diagnosed, that doctor blasted homeschooling over and over again. I sank into myself for a very long time, and I just don't recall very much of what was going on around me. It was so much of a blur of tests and speech therapy and occupational therapy. And worst of all, I was very, very angry with God for what seemed like a very, very long time.

It's bad because reading back in the posts brings all those horrible feelings back to me. I spent so much time being upset that I didn't pick up on this stuff sooner. That I didn't listen to what other people were telling me and recognize that my children were not developing typically. That I didn't listen to preschool teachers (and a Kindergarten teacher) that were telling me that something was off. Instead, I proudly stuck my head in the sand and said that you couldn't put my round box in a square box. I beat myself up for years over all the things I did wrong. And for every post that's on the blog, there are echoes of the posts I typed and never submitted. There are echoes of the tears that I cried into my pillow every night for years.

But in the end, it's good. Because it shows me (better than my very subjective memory can) how far we've come. And not just the kids... but me as well.

Lessons from Heidi

2010-09-22T20:45:00.004-04:00

I hesitate to say yet again that I've been struggling with homeschooling this year. You would think that with this being our 9th year of homeschooling I would have settled into my groove and any fear and uneasiness would have long since past. It's hard for me that it seems each year gets more and more challenging for me in terms of the confidence I feel. And then last week during our week at the beach, when I was just able to be "MOM" and not teacher and autism therapist, I really felt a longing to stop homeschooling. I allowed myself to dream what it would be like to have some time to myself during the day, even if I went to work full-time (which I would do if the kids were in school - that income sure is enticing as well); how it would feel to be the "good guy" the kids could complain to about their horrible teachers; how nice it would be to not spend hours upon hours each week planning and prepping for lessons; how nice it would be not to worry about high school credits and how to make them for Austin when he struggles academically; and on and on.

I shouldn't have allowed myself to fantasize like that, because all it did was to make an already difficult re-entry downright miserable and sad. By mid-day Monday, I was fairly convinced that I should call the public schools and get the ball rolling on enrollment for the kids, and finding out what services they would be able to offer that we can't afford on our own.

Monday night I was given a gift in the form of a delightful "narration" of some scenes from Reece's literature book, Heidi by Johanna Spyri. Reece used her playmobil pieces and created these wonderful scenes. In this first one is Grandfather's house, with Heidi sleeping on her hay bed in the loft, Grandfather sitting on his chair that's attached to the wall, and Peter outside with the "goat."

In this picture, you'll see that Reece added the fir trees to the scene.

In this scene, Reece placed the carriage that took Heidi to and from Mr. Sesemann's home.

And this picture shows Heidi and Clara in the study with Miss Rottenmeier.

This was wonderful because the oral narrations Reece has been giving me from this book have been fairly sparse. I've even been wondering how much she understands. But it's obvious from the detail in her play that she is comprehending so well!

Today when I read her another chapter, I found myself deeply moved by a couple of passages. We are in Chapter 14, and Heidi says, "If God had let me come back to you at once, like I had asked in my prayers, none of this would have happened. I should have brought Grannie a few rolls I had saved, but they would soon have been gone, and I wouldn't have been able to read. God knew what was best, just as Clara's Grandmamma said He did, and see how perfectly he arranged everything. I'll always say my prayers after this, as Grandmamma told me to, and if God doesn't answer them at once I shall know it's because He's planning something better for me, just as He did in Frankfurt. We'll pray every day, won't we Grandfather, and we'll never forget God again, and He won't forget us."

My voice choked up as I was reading and my hands were trembling. Then just a few pages later, Grandfather goes up to look at Heidi while she sleeps. She had read to him the story of the Prodigal Son. "Several hours later, when Heidi was in bed and asleep, the old man climbed up to the loft and put his lamp on the ground so that its light fell on her. She lay with her hands folded, as if she had fallen asleep saying her prayers. There was a peaceful, very trusting expression on her face, which moved him deeply and he stood gazing down at her for a long time. Then he too folded his hands, bowed his head, and, in a low voice said, 'Father, I have sinned against Heaven and before Thee and am no longer worthy to be called Thy son,' and down his wrinkled cheeks rolled two large tears."

Well, I lost it there. I cried, yet I made it through the rest of the chapter. But I wasn't able to even ask Reece for a narration. I just sat there with my heart full of emotion. Who knew how wonderful this book was? I knew the basic story, from a Shirley Temple movie, I think. But reading it for myself, sharing it with Reece, is a priceless experience!

As I prepared to write this entry, I looked over the Ambleside Online website to find out if this book was scheduled for Year 1 or Year 2 (since Reece is sort of straddling the two years). Imagine my surprise when it's listed as a Free Reading selection. I wonder how I decided this summer to put it into our schedule, especially at the beginning of the year? Maybe it was on the WTM list for the Modern time period as well, so I bumped it up? I truly don't know. But I'm so glad it's on there, and I'm so glad to be able share it with Reece. And I definitely needed to read/hear the Truth and read this example of faith.

I need to take these little moments and cling to them for my peace of mind.

STICKY: Catching up!

2010-09-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

The last 3-4 weeks have been quite crazy! I'm going to attempt to catch up in the next day or two, so check back often for posts under this one! :)

Beach Vacation 2010

2010-09-21T14:57:00.003-04:00

After a 3-year hiatus from a family vacation (thanks to Dave Ramsey), we got to head back to our favorite beach! This was the 5 year anniversary of our first trip there, and we had an absolutely wonderful time!

The lighthouse which had fallen into the sea in 2005 has been moved and rebuilt, and we walked to the top!
This was such an "ON" week for Reece! She played and had a wonderful time. She slept well, and she only had one day where she struggled. It was so nice to see her having fun!
We did our traditional pictures again... will have to get the old ones out to compare! :)

And the traditional "Say goodbye to the beach" shot! :)
I have a feeling this may be our last family trip to the beach. It's very sad, but our family budget has taken some major hits. We have been able to maintain a "Vacation" budget, but the boys enjoy their fishing trips and the girls enjoy their Disney trips. That doesn't leave much left over for a family trip! LOL You never know, though... a lot can change in two or three years! :)

Another Half Marathon!

2010-09-21T14:15:00.000-04:00

Over Labor Day weekend, I flew out to California to run in the Disneyland Half Marathon. Earlier this year I ran my first half-marathon at DisneyWORLD, and by running a half in the same calendar year at DisneyLAND, I would received the coveted (by me) "Coast to Coast Medal".

Running through another castle was great fun!

We got the added bonus of running through Angels' Stadium in Anaheim. Being a baseball fanatic, I was more than thrilled!

Here I am nearly at the finish line!

Back in the hotel room with my 3 medals: The one from March's Princess Half Marathon, the one from the Disneyland Half Marathon, and my Coast to Coast Medal!

Popping in for a brief update!

2010-08-25T19:00:00.003-04:00

So far, the beginning of our school year has been a little crazy! Last week what was supposed to be our first full week of school ended up with Mom being so sick she couldn't even get out of bed Tuesday and Wednesday! Add to that all of our outside classes and sports starting, plus mom wrapping up her half-marathon training, and you have sheer chaos!

But there have been bright spots amid the craziness! :)

The most important bright spot is that the kids are getting themselves up and ready for lessons to begin. They are getting dressed and eating breakfast, and Austin is even showering in the morning because it helps to wake him up. I've noticed this week they have been waking up later and later (except for Reece, but that's another matter), but we are still getting started on time!

Riley's glee club and musical theater classes on Monday are nice and she enjoys them, but it's very hard on Reece. We are gone for 5 hours, 1.5 spent in travel, 2 spent for Riley to do her classes, and another 1.5 spent eating lunch. I am doing lessons with her during the waiting time, and we got permission to use a quiet area of the building away from the main waiting room, so it is quiet. But it's still being out for 5 hours which is hard for her. She hasn't slept well since Sunday night, and I think the business is part of it. She was also very argumentative and cranky during lessons yesterday. I am praying that everything will moderate as she gets used to this new schedule.

I already dumped a curriculum for Austin. I was using Vocabulary Vine, which bills itself as a spiral study of the most-used Latin and Greek roots. But the method is a bit contrived, and when they defined "enthusiasm" as "a god inside" because of the roots it is derived from, I threw up my hands. I'm trying to help broaden Austin's vocabulary. That is absolutely meaningless and is therefore a waste of time. I've got to regroup on that plan. Maybe we'll use Spelling Wisdom for dication and copywork, and discuss it and use that as a jumping off point for vocabulary. I'm not sure yet.

Which leads me to my last point. I'm totally in over my head. I can't keep up with all the readings. I do fine with Reece's because I'm reading most of them to her. And I do well with fine arts because I read most of that aloud, too. Same with Plutarch, which is pretty much over everyone's head and we're using the children's version. LOL But I haven't found my groove yet on the other stuff. I'm lucky that I am familiar with Riley's book and I have the Activity Guide for Story of the World to help me. I'm not panicking yet, because I know it's still early... and I've got the half marathon and our beach trip looming over me. It's not a fair test of my abilities when I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions. I'm going to try to be patient with myself and re-evaluate in October.

All in all, things are starting out nicely!

A few words about the first day (or two) of school

2010-08-12T14:54:00.002-04:00

We officially began our new school year yesterday which basically means everyone gets up and I take their picture outside and we start back with the same sort of schedule we use during Sun and Fun: reading, math, etc. As always, I start us with a great wake-up routine. This typically lasts about a month, and then we're all back to wandering around in a daze in the morning. But since we have so much to accomplish each day now, I really hope we can stick with it.

I told the kids that they will be responsible for getting up and getting ready to go on their own. They need to be up, dressed, fed, bed made, teeth brushed, chores done, sitting at the table for family lessons at 9 AM. I'm not going to wake anyone up. There are no real negative consequences for not doing this, except missing breakfast because lessons start promptly at 9 AM. I am really trying to get away from punishment-oriented parenting. I've basically presented it to them as I know they are capable of doing this and they are getting older and they can be responsible for getting themselves up and ready. There doesn't need to be a punishment because they will be doing it. I have eager expectations! LOL It feels "Charlotte Mason-y" but it may just be wishful thinking. So far, both days, everyone has been up and ready! Austin has even gotten up in time to shower, since he says that helps him to wake up.

So we start our morning with family lessons. These vary day-to-day, with the exception of Bible and Scripture Memorization. We're also doing morning prayers, which is a challenge for me because there are few things I dislike more than praying aloud, even in front of my children. Thankfully, Reece has been willing to begin our prayers for us each day! :) Yesterday our family lessons were mythology and art history. Today they were composer study and oral reading (which will eventually lead to elocution, in my dreams anyway).

Yesterday I asked for narration on the section of the mythology chapter I had read, from Bulfinch's Age of Fable. Riley gave a nice, detailed retelling of the major events from the story of Prometheus and Pandora. Reece pouted that Riley said everything she was going to say. Then I turned to Austin, expecting to get his typical, "Nope, nothing to add." Instead, he surprised me with, "You know, I'm reminded a lot of the creation story and Eden. Except that it isn't eating an apple that brings all the sin into the world, it's opening a jar. And Pandora is like Eve." I sat there for a moment in a daze. Austin looked a bit concerned, thinking he had messed up! LOL I was quite impressed at his evaluation and told him so. :) It made me feel like narration has really kicked in for him!

Reece and I did some RightStart math games to review what she had previously learned. She was concerned at first that it wasn't Friday, and she only does math games on Fridays. I assured her that we can do math games on any day of the week. She said that we should do our math games ALL the time since she really learns math best that way! :) I told her we could do math games as often as we want to do, but that we still needed to do lessons and worksheets every now and then! Today we did a lesson in the book, but we had to improvise since the abacus was in the RightStart box which was buried beneath all of the books I'm rearranging on my 2 additional bookcases! LOL She got to use the "math journal" for the first time!

Riley got a new desk for her room, as is tradition at the Black Pearl Academy when you begin middle school. My dh and I were talking about this last night and how excited she is to be starting "middle school". In reality, nothing has changed... she's in the same house, same teacher. I guess the new desk really makes all the difference! LOL Whatever it is, she is up bright and early and getting dressed and really seems to be making an effort to work hard. I sincerely hope that continues. Her academic load is heavier this year, and she has additional outside classes that will take a few extra hours away from home.

As usual, it took a really long time to get through just a few subjects. This is not unique to homeschooling, so I wasn't too concerned. We'll all get back into our groove, I hope. Or we'll make a new groove maybe? I posted on FB about how long it took, and Austin replied, "I could have done it in half the time but you were busy with the girls." That's true! He was waiting for me to finish up a few things to start working on his new Racing Math book. It turned out he didn't need me at all for the first page, and I felt bad for making him wait. I told him to go ahead today and start on his own and we'd discuss any problems he had. He did that, and missed two (the answers are in the back of the book). He was able to fix one but not the other. I looked it over and realized that he had copied the number down wrong, which made his math wrong. I told him that's one of the first places to look - transcription errors - when you are having a hard time figuring out where your mistake lies.

Overall, the first two days have gone quite well. I'm nervous about adding more subjects next week. I think I'll have to just keep it fairly light as we start all of our activities again, and see how it goes.

First Day of School 2010-2011

2010-08-11T23:40:00.001-04:00

I'll add more details tomorrow! :)

Change in plans!

2010-08-04T13:44:00.002-04:00

What?? "Already?!?!" you say. But wait until you see this!

Look what I found at The School Box today when I was getting posters and a new calendar for this year:

Racing Math: Checkered Flag Activities and Projects for Grades 4-8

Doesn't that look like so much fun!?!? So instead of the "Understanding and Solving Word Problems" series, Austin and I are going to do this Racing Math together! ;)

And when that's done... they also have Baseball Math! ;)

School Year 2010-2011 Plans

2010-08-03T16:48:00.002-04:00

I know you've all been checking my blog multiple times daily in eager anticipation of this post. What has all the agonizing and the planning and the stress been about? Has it been worth it? What is the end result??

Well, wait no more!

Austin (8th grade):
World History - Story of the World Volume 4, Modern Times
American History - Landmark History of the American People, Vol. 2
Geography/Time Line/Book of Centuries - from all content areas
History Tales/Biography - Across Five Aprils; Carry a Big Stick (Teddy Roosevelt); Never Give In (Winston Churchill)
Science - The Physics of NASCAR; The Physics of Baseball
Science Biography - Michael Faraday, Father of Electronics; George Washington Carver; Albert Einstein
Natural History - The Sea Around Us; School of the Woods
Literature - The Hobbit; Around the World in 80 Days; The Call of the Wild; White Fang
Grammar - Analytical Grammar, Season 2
Writing - Written Narration; Wordsmith
Spelling - Spelling Wisdom
Vocabulary - Vocabulary Vine
Critical Thinking - Logic Countdown (finish); Logic Liftoff
Math - Key to Fractions, Decimals, Percents (and Algebra if time); Understanding and Solving Word Problems

Riley (6th grade):
World History - Story of the World Volume 4, Modern Times
American History - Landmark History of the American People, Vol. 2
Geography/Time Line/Book of Centuries - from all content areas
History Tales/Biography - A Passion for the Impossible (Lilias Trotter); Carry a Big Stick (Teddy Roosevelt); The Story of My Life (Hellen Keller)
Science - Elementary Physical Science; Experiments Kit
Science Biography - Always Inventing (Alexander Graham Bell); George Washington Carver; Albert Einstein
Natural History - The Sea Around Us; Wild Animals I Have Known
Literature - Little Women; The Hobbit; Animal Farm
Grammar - Junior Analytical Grammar (finish)
Writing - Written Narration; Writing Strands 3 (finish)
Spelling - Spelling Wisdom
Latin - Latina Christiana 1 (finish)
French - First Start French 1 (first half)
Critical Thinking - Logic Countdown
Math - Singapore Primary Mathematics 5B/6A; Challenging Word Problems; Your Business Math

Reece (3rd grade):
American History - "Welcome to _____'s World" (from the American Girl company)
Geography - Tree in the Trail; Minn of the Mississippi
History Tales/Biography - Abraham Lincoln; Little House in the Big Woods; Little House on the Prairie; Understood Betsy
Science - Pagoo; The Burgess Animal Book
Literature (read-aloud) - Heidi; The Secret Garden; The Wind in the Willows
Grammar - Primary Language Lessons
Writing - Oral Narration; Copywork; PLL
Math - RightStart Mathematics Level B
Learning to Read - Sonlight Level 2 Intermediate readers

Family Lessons:
Composer Study - Bach; Brahams; Foster/Sousa/Gershwin
Nature Study - Astronomy; Rocks/Minerals; Climate/Weather
Poet Study - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow; Robert Frost; Maya Angelou
Hymn Study - WOW Hymns (one per month)
Shakespeare - The Taming of the Shrew; A Midsummer Night's Dream; The Merchant of Venice
Citizenship - Plutarch for Boys and Girls
Artist Study - Winslow Homer; Mary Cassatt; Henri Matisse
Art History - A Child's History of Art: Painting
Art - Discoveries in Art
Scripture Memory
Bible - New Testament stories from the NLT Bible

Yeah, I'm wondering how we're going to do it all, too! :)

And the planning is done...

2010-08-03T16:24:00.002-04:00

I wrapped up the planning today and started working on the assignment sheets for the first week of lessons next week. I'm looking at it and thinking the kids are going to flip out when they look at it. I can just hear it now:

"But I thought we start off with a light schedule at the beginning!?!?"

"This is the light schedule."

ROFL

All that's left is to gather some scripture memory verses and search for some poetry for recitation. Longfellow is our poet for the first term so I'll start there. I'd also like to add folksongs this year if I can get through all the resources.

My next task is reorganization... bookshelves and desks and supplies need some serious attention! Our first day is a week from tomorrow!

This is why God gives you a husband! :)

2010-08-03T09:00:00.002-04:00

Russ made an executive decision for me. OK, before any Girl Power readers panic - I asked him to! LOL

Our children will be on the same time period for history. From here until the end of time, or until Riley graduates and it's a moot point.

And he told me that I can't turn back! ;) He's holding me to it!

He's a good man!

Why is this so hard for me?

2010-08-02T23:14:00.003-04:00

I've been so sad this evening. I am looking at our plans for this coming year and it makes me feel overwhelmed and nervous, and sad. I've had myself all worked up about keeping the kids all in the same history cycle, and even talked to Russ and my mom about it yet again.

But then I did a "search" in my blog for same history, combining history, and history cycle and pulled up years of posts where I've struggled with this one topic. Why does this seem to be a sticking point with me? Why can't I just let it go?

Why can't I just decide once and for all - same time period or not? It's not a life or death decision! It's not a deal-breaker! Either one will be fine for all of us. Why do I make it so hard????

Ugh. I'm going to go to bed.

Too much?

2010-07-30T07:51:00.002-04:00

I've got all the books for this coming school year divided neatly into terms, and those terms divided neatly into weeks - to give us a workload that is broken up fairly evenly.

But when I look at it all, it seems like there is so much I want to accomplish. I wonder if it's too much. And if so, what do I drop? Everything seems so important! LOL

I guess there's not much to do except to jump into it and see how it goes.

Now my next step is to determine what sort out output to require and how much of it. I know that this year Austin will do 3 written narrations per week, and Riley will do two. I also know that I want them both to do a time line of some sort, and I would really like to get a better grasp on a Book of Centuries. I really do not understand the nuances of the latter. The time line seems easy enough, and I found a template that I really, really love here. Scroll down to the end of the post for the links to the template. But Lindafay (the author of that site, formerly known as Higher Up and Further In) describes that as a book of centuries. Maybe they are the same thing?

As I mentioned in a previous post, determining how much to expect in terms of output is quite a challenge for me. I'm still not sure exactly how I'm going to handle it, but I do plan to talk to Austin especially about his expectations for himself when it comes to his narrations. I think he knows he can do a little more than he has been doing. But since we spent so much time learning summaries as narrations (which is the WTM/classical way) he may be thinking that 4-5 sentences is all that I am wanting, since that's what we did before. I also really want to stay on top of the oral narrations, and create a better dialogue with those. I've been too afraid to say much during narrations because of the admonition in CM circles to not interrupt or lecture, etc. But I am reading this book called Deconstructing Penguins about how to talk about books with kids, and I think it will provide a happy middle ground!

I have made good progress in planning this week but I'm still feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. I'll be taking some of the first term books with me next week to read during jury duty so maybe that will help my confidence, once I start into the books!

Planning season 2010-2011

2010-07-27T09:45:00.002-04:00

The key here is not to panic!

That sure is a lot of books, isn't it? We can do this, can't we??

Another "YAY!" for RightStart Math!

2010-07-26T09:10:00.003-04:00

Last night at the dinner table, our family got into a discussion about school. I mentioned that we all have strengths and weaknesses in academic subjects. When I was asked to tell them which subject they excelled at, I turned the question around and asked each of them to tell me which is the subject where they feel they do the best.

When it was Reece's turn she thought carefully for a minute and said, "I guess now it's math!"

I can't begin to describe how pleased I was to hear her say that! It makes all the difference in the world that she feels competent in math! What a huge blessing! :)

Last day of Sun and Fun!

2010-07-23T17:59:00.002-04:00

Our summer school time has come to an end! I really feel like this was the best summer of Sun and Fun we've ever had!! :)

Austin read for 45 minutes each day, finished Key to Fractions Book 1, finished 3/4 of Key to Fractions Book 2, studied the first 12 roots in Vocabulary Vine, listened to the rest of Story of the World Volume 3 and The Mystery of the Periodic Table.

Riley completed her Singapore Primary Mathematics 5A workbook, read for 45 minutes a day (plus she listened to countless books on CD), reviewed her Latin vocabulary, and listened to the history and science book above.

Reece completed the first 20 lessons of Right Start B, read 10 minutes per day (20 minutes for the last week as she worked to earn extra suns), listened to more of the Burgess Bird Book, and listened to as much of Riley and Austin's history and science as she cared to.

The next two weeks will be spent with some much-needed down time for the kids, and planning and prep work for me! :)

Epiphany? Or: Still trying to teach an old dog new tricks

2010-07-22T21:57:00.004-04:00

"I'm having a thought here, Barbossa..." - Captain Jack Sparrow

And so the pattern repeats itself.

I'm feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of a new school year and what I have to try to accomplish. I feel inadequate and incompetent. I panic.

I seek out security. I seek out the familiar. I flee to safety.

But then I don't feel safe. Instead, I feel like a failure. I still feel overwhelmed, but this time I feel overwhelmed AND like I'm copping out.

Tonight, I had an epiphany [Note: I reserve the right to be repeating something I've already said before, like from a previous epiphany. It takes me a really long time to learn some things]. It is as follows:

What if the reason I still feel overwhelmed and like a failure and like I'm copping out is because I'm, yet again, trying to control everything myself? What if the unending feelings of being overwhelmed are really a sign that I need not turn to a familiar homeschool curriculum guide or "better" lesson plans? What if they are instead a deep-rooted acknowledgment that I CANNOT do this. At least not on my own. At least not without relying on and trusting completely in God to be in charge and to guide me down this path.

There is no peace for me and that's just not how it's supposed to be when you are living in Christ, right?

I have a feeling that, if I do this right, the one who is going to learn the most this year will be me.

Some guidelines, please?

2010-07-21T19:11:00.002-04:00

I'm trying to get a head start on my planning. And the thing that has me so perplexed, and wanting to run back for the security of the Well-Trained Mind, is that I am having a hard time determining what to expect from my children. I do know that I am not requiring enough from them. But I don't know what Charlotte Mason would deem as reasonable and not overkill.

Here is an example from the Ambleside Online Language Arts Scope and Sequence for Written Narrations, Grades 7-8:

"Written Narration. You will gradually be increasing the number and length of your children's written narrations during these years. You should also be helping your child perfect the mechanics of writing and begin learning to edit and correct their mistakes. Doing this with one narration per week is fine, and it will reinforce the grammar and punctuation that is being studied separately. "

It doesn't tell me how long the narrations should be at what grades, or how many narrations per week. What is the goal? One Written narration daily? One Written narration from each subject weekly? And how long are they in 7th grade? 8th grade? One paragraph? One page? Two pages?

This is where the Well-Trained Mind differs. In each grade, and for each subject, the output goal is explained in detail. I really need that information. I feel like I'm trying to plan a trip with an incomplete road map.

And for a personality such as mine, that is beyond frustrating.

I want to be able to incorporate as much CM methodology as I can, but I also have to be comfortable. I need to trust (there's that word!) that I'm doing all I need to be doing.

Right Start B: Lesson 18

2010-07-21T10:46:00.002-04:00

Another good lesson today - more work with odds and evens. It's silly, I know, but it makes me feel better when we're doing lessons like these that are new material for her. I felt bad taking her back to what is basically the beginning when she's a 3rd grader. I'm glad she is quickly learning some new stuff.

She easily understood today's lesson, which meant she wanted to take over the games and make up her own rules. LOL I told her that I needed to teach her the lesson and play the games the way they are in the book first, but if we had time later, we could try to play the games the way she wanted. It worked. ;)

The last part of the lesson was to recognize the pattern of evens and odds for 1-10, and she did that instantly, while she was laying out the cards! Then she mentioned that we are counting even numbers when we count by 2s. I reminded her that we also count by 2s starting with the number 1, so then we were counting by odd numbers. She thought that was funny!

When I mentioned we were going to play one more game (the pattern dot cards with the place value cards) she said, "Go to the Dump!" I said that that game wasn't in the plan for today. She said sadly, "Oh." So I told her after the lesson we could play Go to the Dump and she brightened up. We played 3 rounds and it is safe to say she knows all the combinations for 10 now! :)

Just two more days of Sun and Fun before we take our summer break! I believe this is the most productive summer of Sun and Fun that we've ever had!

Right Start B: Lesson 17

2010-07-20T10:14:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, we continued with the games in Lesson 16 that are designed to solidify the facts that add up to 10. I decided to move on to Lesson 17 today, knowing that we could continue to play the games and work on the 10s facts.

Today's lesson was quite short, and that was good. We had a really busy weekend, followed by a crazy busy Monday, and I knew that it would be a challenging day for Sun and Fun. I declared today "Triple Sun Tuesday" in an attempt to smooth over any troubles anyone might have with their motivation! ;)

Still, Reece was a bit difficult during the new parts of the lesson. We changed up the "comes after" game to include the days of the week instead of numbers, and she flung herself on the ground. I remained neutral. After she did a couple, I invited her to say some days for me and I would tell what "comes after" but she didn't want to. That's unusual because she likes to take a turn to play the teacher role.

We worked a little on the abacus, which is usually her favorite part, but she was resistant. No problem. We did what we needed to do and moved on.

There was a new game to introduce today, but I decided to have it be a one-sided game to begin... meaning that only she would play. I didn't think there was any need to add competition when she was already on edge. She competed against herself and had fun. She did more counting that I wanted her to do, but I also wasn't going to push it much.

To wrap up, we played "Go to the Dump" which has quickly become a new favorite. Her whole demeanor changed. Had I known it would have gotten that reception, we would have begun with it instead! LOL She wanted to include Austin but he was playing the role of the cranky teenager, so we just played together. The coolest part came when I asked for a 3. She said, "Go to the dump" and then added... that means you have a 7! And grinned at me! ;) So those facts sure are getting into her, but also she may be gaining a bit of game-playing strategy!

I can't remember if I mentioned that I was able to find a used Level B Lessons and Workbook from the RightStart yahoogroup! It came yesterday, just in time for me to return my friend's materials to her tonight at book club! :) I just have a couple of manipulatives left to order, and I'll be going through the Level B book this afternoon to see how much they are required, or if I can get away with not ordering them. Then I'll be able to place my final order and be ready for planning next week!

Right Start B: Lesson 15 and 16

2010-07-16T11:01:00.002-04:00

Sorry that I didn't have time to blog about math yesterday. We had a very busy day, including a neurologist appointment for Austin so I didn't have any time. Unfortunately, that means that my recollections of yesterday are going to be vague at best. :(

Lesson 15 is the beginning of learning the facts that add up to 10. Reece does have experience with this from Singapore Math, and from working on her facts in MUS Alpha. But I know she spends a lot of time counting in her head with them, so I want to help her get past that with RightStart. We used the tally sticks and abacus to partition 10, and the whole/part charts to find the missing part. Then we played a matching game to find pairs of numbers that equal 10. I loved her reaction when I got out the cards and told her we were going to play a game. She said, "Well, that's new." Cracked me up!

Today we began a lesson for mastery of the 10s facts that indicates it can take 2 or 3 days. This one did just a brief stint with the abacus and whole/part charts, but jumped right into two new games. We just did one game today, a version of Go Fish where you are trying to match up two facts that equal 10. She loves Go Fish, so it was perfect! I'm planning to continue to play at least one of the card games with her to keep working on the 10s facts. It's not hard since she enjoys playing cards so much!

One funny note... when we were doing our lesson, Riley was in the kitchen. She said, "I wish I had learned math that like when I was little." Awwww! :)

Right Start B: Lesson 14

2010-07-14T11:42:00.002-04:00

Well, if I wasn't sold on Right Start before, lesson 14 did it!

The first thing was that one of the lingering issues in the back of my mind was resolved. I have been worried about the use of the abacus, and Reece's color obsession. The first part of that was helped when we started the new, larger abacus yesterday and she didn't have trouble. But I was still worried about her inability to transfer what seemed like a rather static usage to other areas. See, the beads have always been on the right and moved to the left to show the amount - meaning that the same color always is the first five (for our new abacus that would be blue) and the other color makes 6-10 (yellow in our case). But, today, we worked on showing the beads on the right instead (which changes the color arrangement)! And then we also worked on showing the numbers on our fingers to each other, which makes them show up "backward"! I was tickled! I was even more tickled that she didn't have any trouble at all.

The second part was that this lesson involved partitioning through 5 using the coins, and there were six word problems. You may remember that the final straw with MUS was when I realized that she was simply plugging the numbers into the equation. Today, these problems would be oral (read to her) and she would use the partition chart to solve them. She could also have used the abacus if necessary but she didn't need it. The instructions said to read the first problem and then wait. I love how they keep up the reminders to wait. As this first problem was straightforward, she didn't need much processing time. "M had two cents. She puts in 3 more pennies. How much does she have now?" She answered it easily.

The second problem was different. "B had 7 cents. She gave away 5 cents. How much does she have now?" I watched as Reece wrote the 7 and the 5 into the spaces for the "parts", and I waited to see what would happen next. She said, "Can I write a minus sign between them?" I said, "No, the numbers all have to fit into the circles you are given." I was about to give her a little more help when she said, "Oh... so the 7 needs to go in the big circle." And she set about to fix her own problem!

It was AWESOME!!!!!

Each of the problems was just slightly different - either by the usage of the name of the coin or the amount, or by it being a subtraction or addition problem. She really had to use her head. There were only 6 problems altogether, just enough to practice without overkill. She did need me to repeat a couple of the problems (mostly the amounts), but I wonder if that was because she was using most of her mental energy to attack the problem, so the actual amounts went by the wayside? She usually has great auditory memory. I wouldn't have a problem with her neglecting the static details if she was trying to focus on what the problem MEANT! :)

Now I find myself wishing we had done this a year or two ago. But I'll try to take comfort in the fact that maybe she wouldn't have been developmentally ready a couple of years ago.

Oh, and yet again she was being ornery while we were reviewing the coins. She thinks it's too funny to say "3 coins" so I'll make a funny face at her. @@

Right Start B: Lesson 13

2010-07-13T14:19:00.003-04:00

Now that I've decided to use Right Start, I wonder if I should continue with these posts. ;)

Today was the "dreaded" first money lesson. And to complicate matters even more, yesterday I received a box in the mail from a friend on the WTM message boards. She offered me her Level A materials for the cost of shipping. She said it would at least save me money on some of the manipulatives and card games. Oh, boy, did it! I am now basically able to buy the A-to-B Add on Kit! There are a couple of things I'm going to look ahead in the B manual I'm still borrowing to see if their use warrants purchase, but I'm going to end up saving about $30 at least.

But, her set came with an abacus that is much different than ours, larger and with different color beads. I really like it, but I wondered what Reece would think. I showed it to her yesterday and we got out my friend's abacus and talked about them being the mommy abacus and the baby. She said she likes the little one better, but she would say that because it's different.

So today we sit down for the lesson (she asked for math first, by the way)! And we did some review and then we started on the money. My goodness she was being ornery!! When I would ask her for the "amount" of money she would grin at me and say "3 coins" or "3 pennies" instead of "3 cents." Overall, I felt like she understood the lesson quite well. I was pleasantly surprised!

I would also like to admit that I'm pleased with myself that I'm not obsessing over the lack of daily worksheets! I was afraid that I would be! Maybe there is hope for me yet?!

One small step...

2010-07-13T09:21:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I ordered the bulk of the books I need for the 2010-2011 school year. I still have to get math for Reece, but I have everything else. This was a huge step because I've been so uneasy about plans for this year. I know, that's not surprising. But this year it's been on a deeper level because it really involves trusting the Lord more than myself. There are things I want to do (keep the kids together in the same history time period), things I feel we should do (usually those things that more closely resemble a traditional school curriculum), and things that really frighten me (keeping up with all these books with all three kids).

But ultimately I figured that I don't do a good job with trusting myself anyway. And every step along the way, from even before we got the diagnoses for first Reece and then Austin, the Lord has put people in my path who use both RDI and Charlotte Mason's philosophies. I mean, I was taking local workshops about the CM methods given by a nice lady named Sonya right at the time Reece was diagnosed. It was Sonya who invited me to her home and told me about RDI. This same Sonya who would begin Simply Charlotte Mason soon afterward. Then I learned more about CM by reading Tammy Glaser's site and blog and have become online friends with her (and hopefully one day we'll get to meet if I ever get back to SC to see my parents at THEIR house LOL). Since I don't hold much stock in coincidences, the only logical explanation is that the Lord has been leading me to embrace both RDI and CM. I guess it's a good thing He knows how stubborn and incompetent I would feel about both of these areas - He placed these people in my life before I even knew how much I would need them! :)

We've been using Charlotte Mason's methods now for almost 3 years. Well, I guess it's more reasonable to say that this will be our 4th year of using CM methods. As I have learned more about her methods I've been able to implement them more effectively and change what I was previously doing. Sometimes I'm more successful at these tasks than others! LOL Everything in me wants to revert back to more traditional methods. It made it so hard to order books this year because I have been fighting within myself.

So what made the difference? Why did I decide to go ahead and order the books and take the proverbial plunge?

Jury Duty.

I got a summons last week that requires me to report the week of August 2nd. This is the deferral I received from back in March when I was supposed to have Jury Duty but begged off under the homeschooling parent clause. I was really hoping they would have forgotten about me! :( Anyway, that particular week is the second week of my planning period. We start lessons the middle of the second week of August! And we have Sun and Fun up until the third week of July, then I plan the last week of July and first week of August. Well, apparently not this summer! LOL

There's just no more time for doubting. No more time for wondering if I'm doing the right thing. No more time for worrying if I'm making huge mistakes that will cost my children their future. I just have to go with the plan and pray that it works out in the way that it's supposed to. So the books are all ordered (except math which I hope to be able to order in the next two weeks), and they should be arriving right in time to begin planning!

Since I don't really have any confidence in myself right now, it's time to go back to my verse for 2010:

But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
and have made the Lord their hope and confidence. (Jeremiah 17:7 NLT)